Walking on Eggshells

Have you ever gotten the feeling that suddenly, everything you do just seems to annoy him?

It starts with little things. He’ll make a “joke” that your laugh is too loud. He’ll roll his eyes when you’re in the middle of a story. Before you know it, he’s criticizing your clothes, your cooking, or even the way you load the dishwasher. Things that were never a problem before suddenly are.

Soon, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You can’t say anything right, every conversation feels like it could turn into a fight, and somehow, you’re the one who always ends up apologizing.

That constant, soul-crushing criticism is one of the most vicious things a man can do when he’s cheating. He’d never say it to your face, but he’s comparing you to the other woman.

When he says things like, “You’d look better with short hair,” or “You should wear more makeup,” what he’s really doing is describing her. He’s holding you up against this new person, and in his mind, you’re the one who’s coming up short.

But why would he be so mean? He’s the one betraying you, so why is he making you feel bad?

This actually has a name. Psychologists call it cognitive dissonance. It means someone’s actions don’t line up with the person they believe they are. In his mind, he’s a “good guy,” but his actions, all the lying and cheating, say otherwise.

This creates guilt. And cheaters hate feeling guilty. So he needs to find a way to make that feeling stop. Instead of changing his actions by, you know, stopping the cheating, it’s easier for him to change his thoughts.

He starts telling himself that you’re the problem. That you’re too needy, too boring, or not attractive enough. If he can convince himself that you’re the reason he’s unhappy, then cheating doesn’t feel like his fault anymore. It feels justified.

It’s like when a father abandons his children for another woman. Eventually, he’ll convince himself they’re better off because he’s finally happy and following his heart.

Your partner will create a similar story in his head that sounds something like this:

• “If she wasn’t so controlling, I wouldn’t have to do this.”

• “If she just put more effort into how she looks…”

• “If she didn’t nag me all the time, I wouldn’t need to find someone else.”

That’s why suddenly, you can’t do anything right. Your jokes aren’t funny anymore, your habits annoy him, your questions feel like nagging. But it’s not about you. He needs to feel like the victim so he can excuse his own behavior.

And those fights that come out of nowhere? They’re a performance. A distraction. A way to avoid responsibility. Or, honestly, just an excuse to leave the house. The yelling, the slammed doors, the dramatic exits, those aren’t just about guilt. They’re also frustration. He feels trapped because he wants to go see her, but he can’t just say that. So he starts a fight to create the chaos he needs to walk out the door.

Here’s what you should pay close attention to.

Does he seem annoyed just by being around you, like you simply existing in the same room gets on his nerves?

Does he compare you to other people? This can be direct, like “Why can’t you be more fun like your friends?” or “Why don’t you dress up for me anymore?”

Does he start huge arguments over nothing? You ask a simple question, and he explodes, yelling and slamming doors. And then he’s gone for a few hours.

Later, when he comes back, he’s weirdly fine, like nothing even happened. He might say he just needed some air, but what really happened is he probably called her. Maybe he even went to see her.

Also, listen for global blame statements. Does he use phrases like “You always do this” or “You never listen”? Those kinds of attacks on your character are meant to make you feel like the problem. Healthy couples talk about specific issues, like “Hey, we need to watch our spending this month.” A cheater goes after your whole personality, saying things like “You’re just hopeless with money.”

The most dangerous part of all this is that if it goes on long enough, you might start to believe him. You start wondering if you really are too emotional, not sexy enough, or annoying.

Please know that this isn’t true. The criticism isn’t a reflection of you. It’s about him needing a way to not feel like the bad guy, which he is.