Transcript
In the last module, we went over the criticism and fights that seem to come out of nowhere. But it sometimes doesn't stop there. If you’re with a narcissistic cheater, they’ll often start accusing you of cheating.
This is one of the most confusing and disorienting things that can happen. You’ll ask a totally normal question like, "Hey, who were you just texting?" and instead of just answering, he explodes.
Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about his phone anymore. It’s about you. He’ll call you “crazy,” “paranoid,” or “controlling.” He’ll say something that completely blindsides you, like:
“Why are you so obsessed with my phone? It’s an invasion of my privacy. You’re always so paranoid and controlling. You’ve been acting weird lately. Are you cheating on me?”
It makes absolutely no sense, because it’s not meant to. It’s a tactic, a way to avoid your questions and make you defend yourself instead. It's like watching someone slam their laptop shut the second you walk in the room. He's panicking, but instead of showing that, he shows anger.
Suddenly, he doesn’t have to explain who he was texting, where he was, or why his phone was off. Instead, you’re the one who has to defend yourself. You end up backpedalling, apologizing, and explaining that no, of course you’re not cheating, you were just asking a simple question.
And just like that, the conversation is over, and you’ve learned that asking questions leads to a massive, painful fight.
Gaslighters project everything. All the things they accuse you of are the very things they’re doing themself. The hypocrisy is off the charts. When he calls you a liar, it’s because he’s lying. When he says you’re being secretive, it’s because he has secrets.
He knows that if he accuses you, your first instinct will be to get defensive and spend all your energy trying to prove him wrong. He wants you to be so preoccupied with justifying yourself as a good person that you're too distracted to see what he's actually doing.
The next time he accuses you of something that feels like it came from another planet, try this: replace every "you" with an "I," and you’ll hear his confession.
• "You're acting so weird and secretive" becomes "I'm acting so weird and secretive."
• "You're probably cheating on me" becomes "I'm probably cheating on you."
• "You're a liar" becomes "I'm a liar."
• "You need to see a psychologist" becomes "I need serious mental help."
Cheaters will also get weirdly defensive over nothing. You’ll walk in and say, “Hey, can I ask you something?” and his whole body will tense up. His face will change, and he’ll snap, “What now?” and all you were going to ask was what he wanted for dinner.
He feels so exposed, so nervous about being found out, that he lashes out just to stay one step ahead.
If you’re always confused, off balance, and second-guessing yourself, you’re not in a position to uncover the truth. And that’s exactly where he wants you.
Because if you start believing you’re the problem, he gets more time to hide what’s really going on.
So, what can you actually do?
When you’re stuck in this tornado of criticism and accusations, it’s time to stop reacting and start observing.
Become a detective in your own life. Gaslighting is designed to make you doubt your own memory. Start keeping notes in a private journal or on your phone. Write down the dates, the weird comments, and what the fights were really about. Seeing the pattern on paper makes it impossible to ignore.
Also stop defending yourself from every crazy accusation. That’s the game he wants you to play. When he says, "You're so controlling," you don't have to list all the ways you're not. You can’t talk logically to an illogical person. Instead, just disengage. “That’s interesting.” “Good to know.” Then walk away.
If you do decide to call something out, use facts, not vague feelings. "You've been distant lately" is easy for him to deny. Instead say, "Last Sunday, you yelled at me for asking who texted you, and then you left the house for three hours." This is a fact, and it's much harder to argue with facts.
Most importantly, trust your gut. Your intuition is your best friend here. If you feel like you're constantly being made to feel guilty for asking normal questions in a relationship, it might be because he’s trying very hard to hide something.
Read More
Transcript
In the last module, we went over the criticism and fights that seem to come out of nowhere. But it sometimes doesn't stop there. If you’re with a narcissistic cheater, they’ll often start accusing you of cheating.
This is one of the most confusing and disorienting things that can happen. You’ll ask a totally normal question like, "Hey, who were you just texting?" and instead of just answering, he explodes.
Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about his phone anymore. It’s about you. He’ll call you “crazy,” “paranoid,” or “controlling.” He’ll say something that completely blindsides you, like:
“Why are you so obsessed with my phone? It’s an invasion of my privacy. You’re always so paranoid and controlling. You’ve been acting weird lately. Are you cheating on me?”
It makes absolutely no sense, because it’s not meant to. It’s a tactic, a way to avoid your questions and make you defend yourself instead. It's like watching someone slam their laptop shut the second you walk in the room. He's panicking, but instead of showing that, he shows anger.
Suddenly, he doesn’t have to explain who he was texting, where he was, or why his phone was off. Instead, you’re the one who has to defend yourself. You end up backpedalling, apologizing, and explaining that no, of course you’re not cheating, you were just asking a simple question.
And just like that, the conversation is over, and you’ve learned that asking questions leads to a massive, painful fight.
Gaslighters project everything. All the things they accuse you of are the very things they’re doing themself. The hypocrisy is off the charts. When he calls you a liar, it’s because he’s lying. When he says you’re being secretive, it’s because he has secrets.
He knows that if he accuses you, your first instinct will be to get defensive and spend all your energy trying to prove him wrong. He wants you to be so preoccupied with justifying yourself as a good person that you're too distracted to see what he's actually doing.
The next time he accuses you of something that feels like it came from another planet, try this: replace every "you" with an "I," and you’ll hear his confession.
• "You're acting so weird and secretive" becomes "I'm acting so weird and secretive."
• "You're probably cheating on me" becomes "I'm probably cheating on you."
• "You're a liar" becomes "I'm a liar."
• "You need to see a psychologist" becomes "I need serious mental help."
Cheaters will also get weirdly defensive over nothing. You’ll walk in and say, “Hey, can I ask you something?” and his whole body will tense up. His face will change, and he’ll snap, “What now?” and all you were going to ask was what he wanted for dinner.
He feels so exposed, so nervous about being found out, that he lashes out just to stay one step ahead.
If you’re always confused, off balance, and second-guessing yourself, you’re not in a position to uncover the truth. And that’s exactly where he wants you.
Because if you start believing you’re the problem, he gets more time to hide what’s really going on.
So, what can you actually do?
When you’re stuck in this tornado of criticism and accusations, it’s time to stop reacting and start observing.
Become a detective in your own life. Gaslighting is designed to make you doubt your own memory. Start keeping notes in a private journal or on your phone. Write down the dates, the weird comments, and what the fights were really about. Seeing the pattern on paper makes it impossible to ignore.
Also stop defending yourself from every crazy accusation. That’s the game he wants you to play. When he says, "You're so controlling," you don't have to list all the ways you're not. You can’t talk logically to an illogical person. Instead, just disengage. “That’s interesting.” “Good to know.” Then walk away.
If you do decide to call something out, use facts, not vague feelings. "You've been distant lately" is easy for him to deny. Instead say, "Last Sunday, you yelled at me for asking who texted you, and then you left the house for three hours." This is a fact, and it's much harder to argue with facts.
Most importantly, trust your gut. Your intuition is your best friend here. If you feel like you're constantly being made to feel guilty for asking normal questions in a relationship, it might be because he’s trying very hard to hide something.
Read More
Transcript
In the last module, we went over the criticism and fights that seem to come out of nowhere. But it sometimes doesn't stop there. If you’re with a narcissistic cheater, they’ll often start accusing you of cheating.
This is one of the most confusing and disorienting things that can happen. You’ll ask a totally normal question like, "Hey, who were you just texting?" and instead of just answering, he explodes.
Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about his phone anymore. It’s about you. He’ll call you “crazy,” “paranoid,” or “controlling.” He’ll say something that completely blindsides you, like:
“Why are you so obsessed with my phone? It’s an invasion of my privacy. You’re always so paranoid and controlling. You’ve been acting weird lately. Are you cheating on me?”
It makes absolutely no sense, because it’s not meant to. It’s a tactic, a way to avoid your questions and make you defend yourself instead. It's like watching someone slam their laptop shut the second you walk in the room. He's panicking, but instead of showing that, he shows anger.
Suddenly, he doesn’t have to explain who he was texting, where he was, or why his phone was off. Instead, you’re the one who has to defend yourself. You end up backpedalling, apologizing, and explaining that no, of course you’re not cheating, you were just asking a simple question.
And just like that, the conversation is over, and you’ve learned that asking questions leads to a massive, painful fight.
Gaslighters project everything. All the things they accuse you of are the very things they’re doing themself. The hypocrisy is off the charts. When he calls you a liar, it’s because he’s lying. When he says you’re being secretive, it’s because he has secrets.
He knows that if he accuses you, your first instinct will be to get defensive and spend all your energy trying to prove him wrong. He wants you to be so preoccupied with justifying yourself as a good person that you're too distracted to see what he's actually doing.
The next time he accuses you of something that feels like it came from another planet, try this: replace every "you" with an "I," and you’ll hear his confession.
• "You're acting so weird and secretive" becomes "I'm acting so weird and secretive."
• "You're probably cheating on me" becomes "I'm probably cheating on you."
• "You're a liar" becomes "I'm a liar."
• "You need to see a psychologist" becomes "I need serious mental help."
Cheaters will also get weirdly defensive over nothing. You’ll walk in and say, “Hey, can I ask you something?” and his whole body will tense up. His face will change, and he’ll snap, “What now?” and all you were going to ask was what he wanted for dinner.
He feels so exposed, so nervous about being found out, that he lashes out just to stay one step ahead.
If you’re always confused, off balance, and second-guessing yourself, you’re not in a position to uncover the truth. And that’s exactly where he wants you.
Because if you start believing you’re the problem, he gets more time to hide what’s really going on.
So, what can you actually do?
When you’re stuck in this tornado of criticism and accusations, it’s time to stop reacting and start observing.
Become a detective in your own life. Gaslighting is designed to make you doubt your own memory. Start keeping notes in a private journal or on your phone. Write down the dates, the weird comments, and what the fights were really about. Seeing the pattern on paper makes it impossible to ignore.
Also stop defending yourself from every crazy accusation. That’s the game he wants you to play. When he says, "You're so controlling," you don't have to list all the ways you're not. You can’t talk logically to an illogical person. Instead, just disengage. “That’s interesting.” “Good to know.” Then walk away.
If you do decide to call something out, use facts, not vague feelings. "You've been distant lately" is easy for him to deny. Instead say, "Last Sunday, you yelled at me for asking who texted you, and then you left the house for three hours." This is a fact, and it's much harder to argue with facts.
Most importantly, trust your gut. Your intuition is your best friend here. If you feel like you're constantly being made to feel guilty for asking normal questions in a relationship, it might be because he’s trying very hard to hide something.