Transcript
Let's talk about the most basic, unavoidable truth about cheating: it requires a physical body in a physical place. Think about it. Someone can’t sleep with another person, kiss them, or meet them for a secret drink unless they are literally somewhere else. They can't be in two places at once.
This means one of the very first things to change is the simplest one: your partner just isn’t around as much anymore.
They’re not home as often. They’re not spending their downtime with you. The time you used to have together starts to feel like it’s slowly fading away. It’s not always a big, dramatic fight that causes it. More often, it’s a quiet, creeping distance. They’re just… less available. They’re not where you expect them to be, and they’re always “doing something else.” And little by little, that becomes the new normal.
Here’s what that slow disappearance might actually look like:
Maybe they’ve suddenly picked up a new, strangely private hobby. It could be cycling, soccer, or boxing, but when you ask if you can come watch or join in, they shut it down immediately. “You wouldn’t like it,” they’ll say. “It’s just my thing.” The hobby isn’t the point; the guaranteed time away from you is.
Then you notice they’re just out more in general. He says he’s just popping out to the shops, but he’s gone for three hours. He’s constantly “running errands” or “catching up with friends.” When you ask what they were doing, the answers are either incredibly vague “Just running around,” “Had to deal with some stuff” or they’re the complete opposite. Their story feels overly polished, like they rehearsed it in the car on the way home.
For example, he might ramble, “Oh, I just went to get milk, then I thought I’d grab a coffee, but I ran into Brian from work. You remember Brian, right? The one with the cargo pants? We chatted about football for a bit, then I hit traffic…” Like whoa. That’s way too much detail for a milk run. Cheaters are constantly juggling alibis, so their timelines get wobbly when you ask simple questions.
Another common excuse to watch out for is the "constant crisis." This is when a “family member” or “friend” is always in trouble and suddenly needs your partner’s help, pulling them away from you.
Here’s what this can look like:
He gets a text and says, "Oh no, I have to go. It's my mom. It's an emergency."
Or saying things like, "My dad is really sick again, so I'll be spending most of the night at their place again."
Constantly complaining, "Ugh, my sister and her husband are fighting again. I have to go over there and sort it out."
Or giving vague excuses like, "My brother needs help with... some help with his kids. I'll be gone for a few hours."
What’s so messed up about this excuse is that it’s designed to make you feel like a horrible person for doubting it. I mean, who’s going to challenge someone when they say they’re "caring for their sick mom"? It's the perfect emotional cover for them to be absent, and it puts you in a no-win situation.
You might also start to notice their whole schedule changing, especially on weekends and after work. One woman told us her husband used to love his quiet weekends, doing yard work, tinkering around the house. Then all of a sudden, he had a million reasons to be gone. “Oh, I have a business club on Saturday night,” or, “A client is flying in, and I have to meet them on Sunday.” This is a red flag, especially if the weekend is the only real time you two have to connect.
Watch out if his job suddenly becomes the excuse for everything. If he's constantly "meeting with clients" or having "team dinners" at night, and at the same time, you're not invited to the work parties you used to go to, that's a problem. Especially if you find out later that other spouses were there. That could be a sign he’s opening the door for flirting with co-workers.
As one woman shared: “My husband told me he didn’t want me at his work parties anymore because he felt ‘held back’ and ‘had to look after me.’ This was after years of him always wanting me by his side at those events.”
The important part in all this is that it’s a change from how things used to be.
And, of course, we have to mention the ultimate cheater’s getaway: the business trip.
It’s the perfect excuse because it provides distance and a built-in alibi. It often pops up at the last minute. He’s fuzzy on the details, doesn’t know the hotel name, isn’t sure about his flight back.
To throw you off his trail, he might even call and text you constantly during the day to “check in.” This is a tactic called "padding the record." He talks to you all day, so you won’t be suspicious when he goes completely dark at night. You think, “He was calling me all day, everything is fine.” It might not be.
In her book Infidelity: Exploding the Myths, private investigator Julia Hartley Moore tells the story of a man who booked a hotel for a “conference” interstate. He flew out, checked into the hotel, then immediately flew back home and went straight to his lover’s apartment for the weekend. Each night, he’d call his wife from the street outside her building to make it sound like he was still far away. Cheaters can get very, very creative.
But sometimes, the physical distance happens right in front of you.
Some cheaters create mini-vacations without ever leaving the house. They move into the spare room, claiming you snore, their back hurts, or they just need better sleep. In reality, they have already checked out of the relationship emotionally and mentally. Moving into the spare room is just them making it physical, even if they won't admit it yet.
Or maybe they disappear into the home office every night. They’re “finishing emails” until 1 a.m., AirPods in, phone always face down. It’s not about work. It’s about creating a private bubble where they can message someone else and escape into the fantasy they’ve built, a space where they can text and flirt without you seeing them smile at their phone from across the room.
That’s what physical avoidance really is. It’s about carving out a separate life, piece by piece, until you’re barely part of it anymore.
Now, look, let's be clear. People get busy. Work gets hectic. People try new hobbies. Life happens, and a single one of these things is usually not a red flag. But when it feels like their entire life is suddenly happening somewhere else, and their explanations feel flimsy or rehearsed, you need to trust your gut. That’s not just life. That’s a cluster of signs telling you something is wrong.
Read More
Transcript
Let's talk about the most basic, unavoidable truth about cheating: it requires a physical body in a physical place. Think about it. Someone can’t sleep with another person, kiss them, or meet them for a secret drink unless they are literally somewhere else. They can't be in two places at once.
This means one of the very first things to change is the simplest one: your partner just isn’t around as much anymore.
They’re not home as often. They’re not spending their downtime with you. The time you used to have together starts to feel like it’s slowly fading away. It’s not always a big, dramatic fight that causes it. More often, it’s a quiet, creeping distance. They’re just… less available. They’re not where you expect them to be, and they’re always “doing something else.” And little by little, that becomes the new normal.
Here’s what that slow disappearance might actually look like:
Maybe they’ve suddenly picked up a new, strangely private hobby. It could be cycling, soccer, or boxing, but when you ask if you can come watch or join in, they shut it down immediately. “You wouldn’t like it,” they’ll say. “It’s just my thing.” The hobby isn’t the point; the guaranteed time away from you is.
Then you notice they’re just out more in general. He says he’s just popping out to the shops, but he’s gone for three hours. He’s constantly “running errands” or “catching up with friends.” When you ask what they were doing, the answers are either incredibly vague “Just running around,” “Had to deal with some stuff” or they’re the complete opposite. Their story feels overly polished, like they rehearsed it in the car on the way home.
For example, he might ramble, “Oh, I just went to get milk, then I thought I’d grab a coffee, but I ran into Brian from work. You remember Brian, right? The one with the cargo pants? We chatted about football for a bit, then I hit traffic…” Like whoa. That’s way too much detail for a milk run. Cheaters are constantly juggling alibis, so their timelines get wobbly when you ask simple questions.
Another common excuse to watch out for is the "constant crisis." This is when a “family member” or “friend” is always in trouble and suddenly needs your partner’s help, pulling them away from you.
Here’s what this can look like:
He gets a text and says, "Oh no, I have to go. It's my mom. It's an emergency."
Or saying things like, "My dad is really sick again, so I'll be spending most of the night at their place again."
Constantly complaining, "Ugh, my sister and her husband are fighting again. I have to go over there and sort it out."
Or giving vague excuses like, "My brother needs help with... some help with his kids. I'll be gone for a few hours."
What’s so messed up about this excuse is that it’s designed to make you feel like a horrible person for doubting it. I mean, who’s going to challenge someone when they say they’re "caring for their sick mom"? It's the perfect emotional cover for them to be absent, and it puts you in a no-win situation.
You might also start to notice their whole schedule changing, especially on weekends and after work. One woman told us her husband used to love his quiet weekends, doing yard work, tinkering around the house. Then all of a sudden, he had a million reasons to be gone. “Oh, I have a business club on Saturday night,” or, “A client is flying in, and I have to meet them on Sunday.” This is a red flag, especially if the weekend is the only real time you two have to connect.
Watch out if his job suddenly becomes the excuse for everything. If he's constantly "meeting with clients" or having "team dinners" at night, and at the same time, you're not invited to the work parties you used to go to, that's a problem. Especially if you find out later that other spouses were there. That could be a sign he’s opening the door for flirting with co-workers.
As one woman shared: “My husband told me he didn’t want me at his work parties anymore because he felt ‘held back’ and ‘had to look after me.’ This was after years of him always wanting me by his side at those events.”
The important part in all this is that it’s a change from how things used to be.
And, of course, we have to mention the ultimate cheater’s getaway: the business trip.
It’s the perfect excuse because it provides distance and a built-in alibi. It often pops up at the last minute. He’s fuzzy on the details, doesn’t know the hotel name, isn’t sure about his flight back.
To throw you off his trail, he might even call and text you constantly during the day to “check in.” This is a tactic called "padding the record." He talks to you all day, so you won’t be suspicious when he goes completely dark at night. You think, “He was calling me all day, everything is fine.” It might not be.
In her book Infidelity: Exploding the Myths, private investigator Julia Hartley Moore tells the story of a man who booked a hotel for a “conference” interstate. He flew out, checked into the hotel, then immediately flew back home and went straight to his lover’s apartment for the weekend. Each night, he’d call his wife from the street outside her building to make it sound like he was still far away. Cheaters can get very, very creative.
But sometimes, the physical distance happens right in front of you.
Some cheaters create mini-vacations without ever leaving the house. They move into the spare room, claiming you snore, their back hurts, or they just need better sleep. In reality, they have already checked out of the relationship emotionally and mentally. Moving into the spare room is just them making it physical, even if they won't admit it yet.
Or maybe they disappear into the home office every night. They’re “finishing emails” until 1 a.m., AirPods in, phone always face down. It’s not about work. It’s about creating a private bubble where they can message someone else and escape into the fantasy they’ve built, a space where they can text and flirt without you seeing them smile at their phone from across the room.
That’s what physical avoidance really is. It’s about carving out a separate life, piece by piece, until you’re barely part of it anymore.
Now, look, let's be clear. People get busy. Work gets hectic. People try new hobbies. Life happens, and a single one of these things is usually not a red flag. But when it feels like their entire life is suddenly happening somewhere else, and their explanations feel flimsy or rehearsed, you need to trust your gut. That’s not just life. That’s a cluster of signs telling you something is wrong.
Read More
Transcript
Let's talk about the most basic, unavoidable truth about cheating: it requires a physical body in a physical place. Think about it. Someone can’t sleep with another person, kiss them, or meet them for a secret drink unless they are literally somewhere else. They can't be in two places at once.
This means one of the very first things to change is the simplest one: your partner just isn’t around as much anymore.
They’re not home as often. They’re not spending their downtime with you. The time you used to have together starts to feel like it’s slowly fading away. It’s not always a big, dramatic fight that causes it. More often, it’s a quiet, creeping distance. They’re just… less available. They’re not where you expect them to be, and they’re always “doing something else.” And little by little, that becomes the new normal.
Here’s what that slow disappearance might actually look like:
Maybe they’ve suddenly picked up a new, strangely private hobby. It could be cycling, soccer, or boxing, but when you ask if you can come watch or join in, they shut it down immediately. “You wouldn’t like it,” they’ll say. “It’s just my thing.” The hobby isn’t the point; the guaranteed time away from you is.
Then you notice they’re just out more in general. He says he’s just popping out to the shops, but he’s gone for three hours. He’s constantly “running errands” or “catching up with friends.” When you ask what they were doing, the answers are either incredibly vague “Just running around,” “Had to deal with some stuff” or they’re the complete opposite. Their story feels overly polished, like they rehearsed it in the car on the way home.
For example, he might ramble, “Oh, I just went to get milk, then I thought I’d grab a coffee, but I ran into Brian from work. You remember Brian, right? The one with the cargo pants? We chatted about football for a bit, then I hit traffic…” Like whoa. That’s way too much detail for a milk run. Cheaters are constantly juggling alibis, so their timelines get wobbly when you ask simple questions.
Another common excuse to watch out for is the "constant crisis." This is when a “family member” or “friend” is always in trouble and suddenly needs your partner’s help, pulling them away from you.
Here’s what this can look like:
He gets a text and says, "Oh no, I have to go. It's my mom. It's an emergency."
Or saying things like, "My dad is really sick again, so I'll be spending most of the night at their place again."
Constantly complaining, "Ugh, my sister and her husband are fighting again. I have to go over there and sort it out."
Or giving vague excuses like, "My brother needs help with... some help with his kids. I'll be gone for a few hours."
What’s so messed up about this excuse is that it’s designed to make you feel like a horrible person for doubting it. I mean, who’s going to challenge someone when they say they’re "caring for their sick mom"? It's the perfect emotional cover for them to be absent, and it puts you in a no-win situation.
You might also start to notice their whole schedule changing, especially on weekends and after work. One woman told us her husband used to love his quiet weekends, doing yard work, tinkering around the house. Then all of a sudden, he had a million reasons to be gone. “Oh, I have a business club on Saturday night,” or, “A client is flying in, and I have to meet them on Sunday.” This is a red flag, especially if the weekend is the only real time you two have to connect.
Watch out if his job suddenly becomes the excuse for everything. If he's constantly "meeting with clients" or having "team dinners" at night, and at the same time, you're not invited to the work parties you used to go to, that's a problem. Especially if you find out later that other spouses were there. That could be a sign he’s opening the door for flirting with co-workers.
As one woman shared: “My husband told me he didn’t want me at his work parties anymore because he felt ‘held back’ and ‘had to look after me.’ This was after years of him always wanting me by his side at those events.”
The important part in all this is that it’s a change from how things used to be.
And, of course, we have to mention the ultimate cheater’s getaway: the business trip.
It’s the perfect excuse because it provides distance and a built-in alibi. It often pops up at the last minute. He’s fuzzy on the details, doesn’t know the hotel name, isn’t sure about his flight back.
To throw you off his trail, he might even call and text you constantly during the day to “check in.” This is a tactic called "padding the record." He talks to you all day, so you won’t be suspicious when he goes completely dark at night. You think, “He was calling me all day, everything is fine.” It might not be.
In her book Infidelity: Exploding the Myths, private investigator Julia Hartley Moore tells the story of a man who booked a hotel for a “conference” interstate. He flew out, checked into the hotel, then immediately flew back home and went straight to his lover’s apartment for the weekend. Each night, he’d call his wife from the street outside her building to make it sound like he was still far away. Cheaters can get very, very creative.
But sometimes, the physical distance happens right in front of you.
Some cheaters create mini-vacations without ever leaving the house. They move into the spare room, claiming you snore, their back hurts, or they just need better sleep. In reality, they have already checked out of the relationship emotionally and mentally. Moving into the spare room is just them making it physical, even if they won't admit it yet.
Or maybe they disappear into the home office every night. They’re “finishing emails” until 1 a.m., AirPods in, phone always face down. It’s not about work. It’s about creating a private bubble where they can message someone else and escape into the fantasy they’ve built, a space where they can text and flirt without you seeing them smile at their phone from across the room.
That’s what physical avoidance really is. It’s about carving out a separate life, piece by piece, until you’re barely part of it anymore.
Now, look, let's be clear. People get busy. Work gets hectic. People try new hobbies. Life happens, and a single one of these things is usually not a red flag. But when it feels like their entire life is suddenly happening somewhere else, and their explanations feel flimsy or rehearsed, you need to trust your gut. That’s not just life. That’s a cluster of signs telling you something is wrong.