Transcript
Sometimes, it’s not what your partner does that feels off, it’s what he keeps saying.
You’re just talking, and he brings up a certain name. No big deal. But then it happens again. And again. After a while, you start to notice that this one person keeps popping up in his stories. The stories change, but the name stays the same.
It could be a coworker, someone from his gym, or a friend you’ve never met. It seems like nothing at first, but the fact that it keeps happening starts to feel… weird.
And it doesn’t really matter what he’s saying about her. He might be complimenting her, saying things like, “She’s the only one who knows what she’s doing over there,” or “Tara is great with people, I’d be lost without her.” Or it could be something more casual, like, “She told me about this new Thai place we should try.”
On the other hand, he might complain about this other woman all the time. You’ll hear things like, “She’s so annoying, she never stops talking,” or “I don’t get why they hired her, I’m always fixing her mistakes.”
But here's the thing: constantly bringing someone up, even if it's to complain, still means they're taking up space in his head. It's almost like he's trying to convince himself he's not interested.
There’s a psychology term for this called reaction formation. It’s when someone hides how they really feel by acting the complete opposite way. So, instead of admitting he’s interested, he talks about how annoying she is.
But deep down, he might actually enjoy being around her and looks forward to working those late nights. Talking about her, even in a bad way, lets him keep that feeling going without admitting it to you or himself.
Another trick some guys use is to mention that the woman has a boyfriend or husband to make it seem like there’s nothing to worry about. He might say, “She’s getting married soon and is super stressed.” It sounds like he’s putting up a boundary, but really, it’s just a way to make you feel like everything is fine.
Then there’s the total opposite: when he never says her name at all. You find out way later that they’ve been spending time together, texting, or having lunch, and you had no idea she even existed. That kind of silence is just as loud as talking about her all the time.
You can also tell a lot by how he reacts when you ask about her. Does he get weird or defensive? If he says something like, “Why are you making a big deal out of this?” or “Relax, we just work together,” that’s a red flag.
If something feels off to you, trust that feeling. Your gut usually picks up on things before your brain does. Whether he’s talking about her too much or not at all, it means she’s on his mind more than he’s letting on.
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Transcript
Sometimes, it’s not what your partner does that feels off, it’s what he keeps saying.
You’re just talking, and he brings up a certain name. No big deal. But then it happens again. And again. After a while, you start to notice that this one person keeps popping up in his stories. The stories change, but the name stays the same.
It could be a coworker, someone from his gym, or a friend you’ve never met. It seems like nothing at first, but the fact that it keeps happening starts to feel… weird.
And it doesn’t really matter what he’s saying about her. He might be complimenting her, saying things like, “She’s the only one who knows what she’s doing over there,” or “Tara is great with people, I’d be lost without her.” Or it could be something more casual, like, “She told me about this new Thai place we should try.”
On the other hand, he might complain about this other woman all the time. You’ll hear things like, “She’s so annoying, she never stops talking,” or “I don’t get why they hired her, I’m always fixing her mistakes.”
But here's the thing: constantly bringing someone up, even if it's to complain, still means they're taking up space in his head. It's almost like he's trying to convince himself he's not interested.
There’s a psychology term for this called reaction formation. It’s when someone hides how they really feel by acting the complete opposite way. So, instead of admitting he’s interested, he talks about how annoying she is.
But deep down, he might actually enjoy being around her and looks forward to working those late nights. Talking about her, even in a bad way, lets him keep that feeling going without admitting it to you or himself.
Another trick some guys use is to mention that the woman has a boyfriend or husband to make it seem like there’s nothing to worry about. He might say, “She’s getting married soon and is super stressed.” It sounds like he’s putting up a boundary, but really, it’s just a way to make you feel like everything is fine.
Then there’s the total opposite: when he never says her name at all. You find out way later that they’ve been spending time together, texting, or having lunch, and you had no idea she even existed. That kind of silence is just as loud as talking about her all the time.
You can also tell a lot by how he reacts when you ask about her. Does he get weird or defensive? If he says something like, “Why are you making a big deal out of this?” or “Relax, we just work together,” that’s a red flag.
If something feels off to you, trust that feeling. Your gut usually picks up on things before your brain does. Whether he’s talking about her too much or not at all, it means she’s on his mind more than he’s letting on.
Read More
Transcript
Sometimes, it’s not what your partner does that feels off, it’s what he keeps saying.
You’re just talking, and he brings up a certain name. No big deal. But then it happens again. And again. After a while, you start to notice that this one person keeps popping up in his stories. The stories change, but the name stays the same.
It could be a coworker, someone from his gym, or a friend you’ve never met. It seems like nothing at first, but the fact that it keeps happening starts to feel… weird.
And it doesn’t really matter what he’s saying about her. He might be complimenting her, saying things like, “She’s the only one who knows what she’s doing over there,” or “Tara is great with people, I’d be lost without her.” Or it could be something more casual, like, “She told me about this new Thai place we should try.”
On the other hand, he might complain about this other woman all the time. You’ll hear things like, “She’s so annoying, she never stops talking,” or “I don’t get why they hired her, I’m always fixing her mistakes.”
But here's the thing: constantly bringing someone up, even if it's to complain, still means they're taking up space in his head. It's almost like he's trying to convince himself he's not interested.
There’s a psychology term for this called reaction formation. It’s when someone hides how they really feel by acting the complete opposite way. So, instead of admitting he’s interested, he talks about how annoying she is.
But deep down, he might actually enjoy being around her and looks forward to working those late nights. Talking about her, even in a bad way, lets him keep that feeling going without admitting it to you or himself.
Another trick some guys use is to mention that the woman has a boyfriend or husband to make it seem like there’s nothing to worry about. He might say, “She’s getting married soon and is super stressed.” It sounds like he’s putting up a boundary, but really, it’s just a way to make you feel like everything is fine.
Then there’s the total opposite: when he never says her name at all. You find out way later that they’ve been spending time together, texting, or having lunch, and you had no idea she even existed. That kind of silence is just as loud as talking about her all the time.
You can also tell a lot by how he reacts when you ask about her. Does he get weird or defensive? If he says something like, “Why are you making a big deal out of this?” or “Relax, we just work together,” that’s a red flag.
If something feels off to you, trust that feeling. Your gut usually picks up on things before your brain does. Whether he’s talking about her too much or not at all, it means she’s on his mind more than he’s letting on.