Pink Flag Audio
Module: 25
Becoming Someone Else
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Transcript
Alright, let's talk about the last warning sign in this section, and it's a weird one. It’s about how cheaters often start acting like the person they're secretly chasing.
This is called personality mirroring. It’s when someone suddenly picks up another person's tastes, their sense of humor, their slang, their values, even parts of their personality. It’s not because they've grown as a person. It's because they're syncing up with someone new, and in the process, they're drifting away from you.
It can start with something small, like his taste in music. Your boyfriend, who for years has only listened to Drake, is suddenly blasting country music. You ask him where this came from, and he just says, “I don’t know, I just got into it.” But you’ve been with him long enough to know he doesn’t “just get into” things like that.
Then, he starts using new words and phrases. All of a sudden, the “vibe” is off, or something has “main character energy.” You’ve never heard him talk like this before.
Soon, he’s laughing at jokes you don’t get. He’s quoting The Office or using lines from shows you’ve never watched together. Inside jokes are powerful because they create a little world just for two people, and you’re not in it. You might notice he seems to light up or act differently when he’s texting or around a certain person. When you feel left out of their humor, it’s a sign that his emotional focus is shifting somewhere else.
He might also pick new hobbies. Out of nowhere, he’s really into running, going to weekend markets, or making “proper coffee” with a French press. None of this is connected to you or anything he used to like. It’s like he downloaded someone else’s personality and hit shuffle.
He might even start to change his core beliefs. He’ll say something wild like, “I don’t think I ever actually wanted kids,” even though you have two children together and you watched him cry at the ultrasound. Or he’ll announce he’s “rethinking monogamy” after reading some article online, but when you ask him about it, he can’t remember what it said. Right.
And like we talked about before, you’ll see the little style changes, too. New clothes that are completely out of character. A beanie in the middle of summer, flannel shirts, or a bunch of new rings. Maybe he’s slicking his hair back and wearing cologne he’s never worn before.
Here’s the thing: a lot of cheaters don't have a strong sense of who they are, so they collect personality traits from other people like they’re Girl Scout badges. A woman once described her ex as a “cowgirl-stripper-techie” because he was a mash-up of every woman he tried to impress. One week it was bolo ties and dive bars; the next it was kombucha and art galleries. He was basically a walking Pinterest board.
And it's bizarre, but they do it because it works. When someone mirrors you, it feels incredible. The other woman thinks, "Wow, we have so much in common! He just gets me. He’s like my soulmate!"
But what’s worse is when he starts stealing your personality. He takes your taste in music, your favorite movies, your sense of humor, and builds a new identity with it. All to lure in the next girl who’s just like you.
One woman told us she found her ex’s dating profile, and it was built entirely from her tastes: her favorite indie bands, her love for obscure movies, her weekend plans. She said, "I realized that was never him. It was always me." Congratulations, you’re the prototype. He didn’t just break your heart; he’s wearing your personality like a costume for his next audition.
This leads to the most terrifying realization: the person you loved never actually existed. As one woman who was married for 29 years put it, the scariest thing wasn't just that she didn't know him, it was realizing there was no “him” to know.
He was a hollow shell. His personality was a collection of borrowed pieces, changing based on who he was with and what he wanted from them. You weren't his partner; you were just useful to him in that moment.
So, when your partner starts acting like someone you don't recognize, when his whole vibe feels stolen instead of earned, trust your gut. He might be mirroring someone else.
Read More
Transcript
Alright, let's talk about the last warning sign in this section, and it's a weird one. It’s about how cheaters often start acting like the person they're secretly chasing.
This is called personality mirroring. It’s when someone suddenly picks up another person's tastes, their sense of humor, their slang, their values, even parts of their personality. It’s not because they've grown as a person. It's because they're syncing up with someone new, and in the process, they're drifting away from you.
It can start with something small, like his taste in music. Your boyfriend, who for years has only listened to Drake, is suddenly blasting country music. You ask him where this came from, and he just says, “I don’t know, I just got into it.” But you’ve been with him long enough to know he doesn’t “just get into” things like that.
Then, he starts using new words and phrases. All of a sudden, the “vibe” is off, or something has “main character energy.” You’ve never heard him talk like this before.
Soon, he’s laughing at jokes you don’t get. He’s quoting The Office or using lines from shows you’ve never watched together. Inside jokes are powerful because they create a little world just for two people, and you’re not in it. You might notice he seems to light up or act differently when he’s texting or around a certain person. When you feel left out of their humor, it’s a sign that his emotional focus is shifting somewhere else.
He might also pick new hobbies. Out of nowhere, he’s really into running, going to weekend markets, or making “proper coffee” with a French press. None of this is connected to you or anything he used to like. It’s like he downloaded someone else’s personality and hit shuffle.
He might even start to change his core beliefs. He’ll say something wild like, “I don’t think I ever actually wanted kids,” even though you have two children together and you watched him cry at the ultrasound. Or he’ll announce he’s “rethinking monogamy” after reading some article online, but when you ask him about it, he can’t remember what it said. Right.
And like we talked about before, you’ll see the little style changes, too. New clothes that are completely out of character. A beanie in the middle of summer, flannel shirts, or a bunch of new rings. Maybe he’s slicking his hair back and wearing cologne he’s never worn before.
Here’s the thing: a lot of cheaters don't have a strong sense of who they are, so they collect personality traits from other people like they’re Girl Scout badges. A woman once described her ex as a “cowgirl-stripper-techie” because he was a mash-up of every woman he tried to impress. One week it was bolo ties and dive bars; the next it was kombucha and art galleries. He was basically a walking Pinterest board.
And it's bizarre, but they do it because it works. When someone mirrors you, it feels incredible. The other woman thinks, "Wow, we have so much in common! He just gets me. He’s like my soulmate!"
But what’s worse is when he starts stealing your personality. He takes your taste in music, your favorite movies, your sense of humor, and builds a new identity with it. All to lure in the next girl who’s just like you.
One woman told us she found her ex’s dating profile, and it was built entirely from her tastes: her favorite indie bands, her love for obscure movies, her weekend plans. She said, "I realized that was never him. It was always me." Congratulations, you’re the prototype. He didn’t just break your heart; he’s wearing your personality like a costume for his next audition.
This leads to the most terrifying realization: the person you loved never actually existed. As one woman who was married for 29 years put it, the scariest thing wasn't just that she didn't know him, it was realizing there was no “him” to know.
He was a hollow shell. His personality was a collection of borrowed pieces, changing based on who he was with and what he wanted from them. You weren't his partner; you were just useful to him in that moment.
So, when your partner starts acting like someone you don't recognize, when his whole vibe feels stolen instead of earned, trust your gut. He might be mirroring someone else.
Read More
Transcript
Alright, let's talk about the last warning sign in this section, and it's a weird one. It’s about how cheaters often start acting like the person they're secretly chasing.
This is called personality mirroring. It’s when someone suddenly picks up another person's tastes, their sense of humor, their slang, their values, even parts of their personality. It’s not because they've grown as a person. It's because they're syncing up with someone new, and in the process, they're drifting away from you.
It can start with something small, like his taste in music. Your boyfriend, who for years has only listened to Drake, is suddenly blasting country music. You ask him where this came from, and he just says, “I don’t know, I just got into it.” But you’ve been with him long enough to know he doesn’t “just get into” things like that.
Then, he starts using new words and phrases. All of a sudden, the “vibe” is off, or something has “main character energy.” You’ve never heard him talk like this before.
Soon, he’s laughing at jokes you don’t get. He’s quoting The Office or using lines from shows you’ve never watched together. Inside jokes are powerful because they create a little world just for two people, and you’re not in it. You might notice he seems to light up or act differently when he’s texting or around a certain person. When you feel left out of their humor, it’s a sign that his emotional focus is shifting somewhere else.
He might also pick new hobbies. Out of nowhere, he’s really into running, going to weekend markets, or making “proper coffee” with a French press. None of this is connected to you or anything he used to like. It’s like he downloaded someone else’s personality and hit shuffle.
He might even start to change his core beliefs. He’ll say something wild like, “I don’t think I ever actually wanted kids,” even though you have two children together and you watched him cry at the ultrasound. Or he’ll announce he’s “rethinking monogamy” after reading some article online, but when you ask him about it, he can’t remember what it said. Right.
And like we talked about before, you’ll see the little style changes, too. New clothes that are completely out of character. A beanie in the middle of summer, flannel shirts, or a bunch of new rings. Maybe he’s slicking his hair back and wearing cologne he’s never worn before.
Here’s the thing: a lot of cheaters don't have a strong sense of who they are, so they collect personality traits from other people like they’re Girl Scout badges. A woman once described her ex as a “cowgirl-stripper-techie” because he was a mash-up of every woman he tried to impress. One week it was bolo ties and dive bars; the next it was kombucha and art galleries. He was basically a walking Pinterest board.
And it's bizarre, but they do it because it works. When someone mirrors you, it feels incredible. The other woman thinks, "Wow, we have so much in common! He just gets me. He’s like my soulmate!"
But what’s worse is when he starts stealing your personality. He takes your taste in music, your favorite movies, your sense of humor, and builds a new identity with it. All to lure in the next girl who’s just like you.
One woman told us she found her ex’s dating profile, and it was built entirely from her tastes: her favorite indie bands, her love for obscure movies, her weekend plans. She said, "I realized that was never him. It was always me." Congratulations, you’re the prototype. He didn’t just break your heart; he’s wearing your personality like a costume for his next audition.
This leads to the most terrifying realization: the person you loved never actually existed. As one woman who was married for 29 years put it, the scariest thing wasn't just that she didn't know him, it was realizing there was no “him” to know.
He was a hollow shell. His personality was a collection of borrowed pieces, changing based on who he was with and what he wanted from them. You weren't his partner; you were just useful to him in that moment.
So, when your partner starts acting like someone you don't recognize, when his whole vibe feels stolen instead of earned, trust your gut. He might be mirroring someone else.