Transcript
Welcome back.
So, previously, we talked about how guilt can make some people get angry and defensive. They pick fights and lash out at you. But there's a whole other side to this, and it's almost the complete opposite. It's when the guilt doesn't make them angry; it just makes them disappear. They shut down completely.
We're not just talking about them being quiet with you after a long day. This is a total energy drain. You can literally feel them pulling away, and not just from you, but from their entire life. It's like all the color just drains out of them.
It starts to spread to everything. They stop seeing their friends. Hobbies they used to be passionate about suddenly become things they're "too tired" for. All the little things that used to bring them joy just don’t seem to matter anymore.
For instance, take the story of Ellie. Her boyfriend was a complete sports fanatic. His life seemed to revolve around baseball, football, and golf. He was either watching the game or talking about the game with his buddies. Then, suddenly, it all vanished. He’d come home, say he was too tired, skip the game, and leave his golf clubs untouched in the garage. His only explanation was that he "wasn't in the mood." But Ellie knew something was deeply wrong. This was more than just being tired. She eventually found out he was cheating, and the guilt was eating him alive.
And that's really what it comes down to. All the lying and the sneaking around is heavy. It weighs on them. And instead of dealing with it, some people just collapse under the weight. They start to feel disgusted in themselves, almost like they don't deserve to be happy or have fun anymore.
It's like the person you fell in love with just fades. They stop laughing, they don't get excited about anything, and you find yourself looking at them and thinking, "Who even are you anymore?"
So, while one person might hide their guilt by getting angry or buying you surprise gifts, this other type just quietly implodes. It's almost like they're punishing themselves, because deep down, they know what they did was wrong, and they feel like they don't deserve you or any kind of happiness.
Now, just to be clear, this is not about feeling sorry for them. Cheating is always a choice. They chose to lie, they chose to betray you, and the fact that they hate themselves for it doesn’t mean they deserve any sympathy from you.
This isn't about making excuses for them. It's about helping you see what's happening. Because that kind of self-loathing, that shutdown, that pulling away from everything, that depression can be just as big of a red flag as the explosive anger or the weirdly over-the-top affection. It's just another piece of the puzzle.
So, if your gut is screaming that something is wrong, and you're seeing this kind of quiet, depressive shutdown, listen to that feeling. It's often telling you exactly what you need to know.
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Transcript
Welcome back.
So, previously, we talked about how guilt can make some people get angry and defensive. They pick fights and lash out at you. But there's a whole other side to this, and it's almost the complete opposite. It's when the guilt doesn't make them angry; it just makes them disappear. They shut down completely.
We're not just talking about them being quiet with you after a long day. This is a total energy drain. You can literally feel them pulling away, and not just from you, but from their entire life. It's like all the color just drains out of them.
It starts to spread to everything. They stop seeing their friends. Hobbies they used to be passionate about suddenly become things they're "too tired" for. All the little things that used to bring them joy just don’t seem to matter anymore.
For instance, take the story of Ellie. Her boyfriend was a complete sports fanatic. His life seemed to revolve around baseball, football, and golf. He was either watching the game or talking about the game with his buddies. Then, suddenly, it all vanished. He’d come home, say he was too tired, skip the game, and leave his golf clubs untouched in the garage. His only explanation was that he "wasn't in the mood." But Ellie knew something was deeply wrong. This was more than just being tired. She eventually found out he was cheating, and the guilt was eating him alive.
And that's really what it comes down to. All the lying and the sneaking around is heavy. It weighs on them. And instead of dealing with it, some people just collapse under the weight. They start to feel disgusted in themselves, almost like they don't deserve to be happy or have fun anymore.
It's like the person you fell in love with just fades. They stop laughing, they don't get excited about anything, and you find yourself looking at them and thinking, "Who even are you anymore?"
So, while one person might hide their guilt by getting angry or buying you surprise gifts, this other type just quietly implodes. It's almost like they're punishing themselves, because deep down, they know what they did was wrong, and they feel like they don't deserve you or any kind of happiness.
Now, just to be clear, this is not about feeling sorry for them. Cheating is always a choice. They chose to lie, they chose to betray you, and the fact that they hate themselves for it doesn’t mean they deserve any sympathy from you.
This isn't about making excuses for them. It's about helping you see what's happening. Because that kind of self-loathing, that shutdown, that pulling away from everything, that depression can be just as big of a red flag as the explosive anger or the weirdly over-the-top affection. It's just another piece of the puzzle.
So, if your gut is screaming that something is wrong, and you're seeing this kind of quiet, depressive shutdown, listen to that feeling. It's often telling you exactly what you need to know.
Read More
Transcript
Welcome back.
So, previously, we talked about how guilt can make some people get angry and defensive. They pick fights and lash out at you. But there's a whole other side to this, and it's almost the complete opposite. It's when the guilt doesn't make them angry; it just makes them disappear. They shut down completely.
We're not just talking about them being quiet with you after a long day. This is a total energy drain. You can literally feel them pulling away, and not just from you, but from their entire life. It's like all the color just drains out of them.
It starts to spread to everything. They stop seeing their friends. Hobbies they used to be passionate about suddenly become things they're "too tired" for. All the little things that used to bring them joy just don’t seem to matter anymore.
For instance, take the story of Ellie. Her boyfriend was a complete sports fanatic. His life seemed to revolve around baseball, football, and golf. He was either watching the game or talking about the game with his buddies. Then, suddenly, it all vanished. He’d come home, say he was too tired, skip the game, and leave his golf clubs untouched in the garage. His only explanation was that he "wasn't in the mood." But Ellie knew something was deeply wrong. This was more than just being tired. She eventually found out he was cheating, and the guilt was eating him alive.
And that's really what it comes down to. All the lying and the sneaking around is heavy. It weighs on them. And instead of dealing with it, some people just collapse under the weight. They start to feel disgusted in themselves, almost like they don't deserve to be happy or have fun anymore.
It's like the person you fell in love with just fades. They stop laughing, they don't get excited about anything, and you find yourself looking at them and thinking, "Who even are you anymore?"
So, while one person might hide their guilt by getting angry or buying you surprise gifts, this other type just quietly implodes. It's almost like they're punishing themselves, because deep down, they know what they did was wrong, and they feel like they don't deserve you or any kind of happiness.
Now, just to be clear, this is not about feeling sorry for them. Cheating is always a choice. They chose to lie, they chose to betray you, and the fact that they hate themselves for it doesn’t mean they deserve any sympathy from you.
This isn't about making excuses for them. It's about helping you see what's happening. Because that kind of self-loathing, that shutdown, that pulling away from everything, that depression can be just as big of a red flag as the explosive anger or the weirdly over-the-top affection. It's just another piece of the puzzle.
So, if your gut is screaming that something is wrong, and you're seeing this kind of quiet, depressive shutdown, listen to that feeling. It's often telling you exactly what you need to know.