Transcript
If you’ve been nodding along this whole time, feeling that sick little ache in your chest, that feeling of “yep, that’s happened to me,” I just want to say, I get it. I really do. None of this is easy to listen to, let alone live through.
It's not normal to feel that creeping sense of being pushed aside. Of giving and giving and still feeling completely alone next to the person who once made you feel like their entire world.
People think cheating always looks like sex and secrets and lipstick on a collar. But a lot of the time, what it really looks like is being emotionally replaced before you even realize what’s happening. It’s in the way they stop laughing with you. The way they stop showing up for the little things. The way their happiness starts coming from somewhere else, and when they’re with you, it’s like their light’s gone out. They’re right in front of you, but it feels like no one’s really home anymore.
You start wondering what you did wrong. If you’ve changed. And you probably have, but only because this kind of emotional abuse does change you. It makes you second-guess yourself all the time. One minute they’re sweet, the next they’re cold. They snap at you for nothing, then act like everything’s fine. They say “I love you,” but something about it feels empty.
You find yourself in a state of constant confusion and shame. You always feel like you or the relationship is in trouble, and you're constantly trying to be ‘good enough’ to fix it, without ever knowing what ‘good enough’ even looks like. Before you know it, you’re apologizing to your partner for having a perfectly human reaction, for pointing out something your eyes, ears, and gut are clearly seeing. You find yourself apologizing far more than you are ever heard or empathized with.
And the worst part? You’re stuck competing with something you can’t even see. A ghost. Maybe it’s another person, maybe it’s just the idea of one. But either way, you’re up against a fantasy, a shiny, exciting, easy version of connection. A bubble with no bills, no crying kids, no real-life problems. Just easy attention and someone who doesn't know the hard parts of them yet.
It’s like thinking takeaway tastes better than a home-cooked meal. Of course it does, they didn’t have to shop for it, cook it, or clean up the mess. They just showed up and got served. That’s the fantasy.
That other person doesn’t see their bad morning breath or the way they never clean up after themselves. They aren't dealing with their moods, their stress, or the beautiful mess of a real, shared life. They only get the curated, perfect version.
And you can’t compete with that. No one can.
So they drift further. They stop including you in their plans. They check out of conversations. They stop showing up as a partner, a parent, a friend. And you’re left bending over backwards, making excuses for their behavior to your family and friends, trying to fix something you didn’t even break. Avoidance becomes a way of life, because every conversation feels like a potential landmine.
This is how you lose yourself. You start to mourn the death of the person you used to be, the one who was strong, who was confident. You feel like a shell of your former self, your self-esteem so non-existent that you can’t even set boundaries. You feel confused, hopeless, and your emotional dependency on them is at an all-time high, even as they are the source of your pain. You experience anxiety and depression, and you can’t even trust moments of happiness because you’re always waiting for something to go wrong.
If you feel lonely in your own relationship, if you feel replaced or pushed aside, do not ignore that feeling. Do not let anyone, including yourself, gaslight you into thinking this is normal. It’s not. You deserve a partner who makes you feel seen, heard, and cherished. You deserve a love that feels like a shelter, not a storm you’re constantly trying to survive. You deserve a partner who helps you carry your burdens, not one who becomes your heaviest burden to carry.
You deserve real love.
Read More
Transcript
If you’ve been nodding along this whole time, feeling that sick little ache in your chest, that feeling of “yep, that’s happened to me,” I just want to say, I get it. I really do. None of this is easy to listen to, let alone live through.
It's not normal to feel that creeping sense of being pushed aside. Of giving and giving and still feeling completely alone next to the person who once made you feel like their entire world.
People think cheating always looks like sex and secrets and lipstick on a collar. But a lot of the time, what it really looks like is being emotionally replaced before you even realize what’s happening. It’s in the way they stop laughing with you. The way they stop showing up for the little things. The way their happiness starts coming from somewhere else, and when they’re with you, it’s like their light’s gone out. They’re right in front of you, but it feels like no one’s really home anymore.
You start wondering what you did wrong. If you’ve changed. And you probably have, but only because this kind of emotional abuse does change you. It makes you second-guess yourself all the time. One minute they’re sweet, the next they’re cold. They snap at you for nothing, then act like everything’s fine. They say “I love you,” but something about it feels empty.
You find yourself in a state of constant confusion and shame. You always feel like you or the relationship is in trouble, and you're constantly trying to be ‘good enough’ to fix it, without ever knowing what ‘good enough’ even looks like. Before you know it, you’re apologizing to your partner for having a perfectly human reaction, for pointing out something your eyes, ears, and gut are clearly seeing. You find yourself apologizing far more than you are ever heard or empathized with.
And the worst part? You’re stuck competing with something you can’t even see. A ghost. Maybe it’s another person, maybe it’s just the idea of one. But either way, you’re up against a fantasy, a shiny, exciting, easy version of connection. A bubble with no bills, no crying kids, no real-life problems. Just easy attention and someone who doesn't know the hard parts of them yet.
It’s like thinking takeaway tastes better than a home-cooked meal. Of course it does, they didn’t have to shop for it, cook it, or clean up the mess. They just showed up and got served. That’s the fantasy.
That other person doesn’t see their bad morning breath or the way they never clean up after themselves. They aren't dealing with their moods, their stress, or the beautiful mess of a real, shared life. They only get the curated, perfect version.
And you can’t compete with that. No one can.
So they drift further. They stop including you in their plans. They check out of conversations. They stop showing up as a partner, a parent, a friend. And you’re left bending over backwards, making excuses for their behavior to your family and friends, trying to fix something you didn’t even break. Avoidance becomes a way of life, because every conversation feels like a potential landmine.
This is how you lose yourself. You start to mourn the death of the person you used to be, the one who was strong, who was confident. You feel like a shell of your former self, your self-esteem so non-existent that you can’t even set boundaries. You feel confused, hopeless, and your emotional dependency on them is at an all-time high, even as they are the source of your pain. You experience anxiety and depression, and you can’t even trust moments of happiness because you’re always waiting for something to go wrong.
If you feel lonely in your own relationship, if you feel replaced or pushed aside, do not ignore that feeling. Do not let anyone, including yourself, gaslight you into thinking this is normal. It’s not. You deserve a partner who makes you feel seen, heard, and cherished. You deserve a love that feels like a shelter, not a storm you’re constantly trying to survive. You deserve a partner who helps you carry your burdens, not one who becomes your heaviest burden to carry.
You deserve real love.
Read More
Transcript
If you’ve been nodding along this whole time, feeling that sick little ache in your chest, that feeling of “yep, that’s happened to me,” I just want to say, I get it. I really do. None of this is easy to listen to, let alone live through.
It's not normal to feel that creeping sense of being pushed aside. Of giving and giving and still feeling completely alone next to the person who once made you feel like their entire world.
People think cheating always looks like sex and secrets and lipstick on a collar. But a lot of the time, what it really looks like is being emotionally replaced before you even realize what’s happening. It’s in the way they stop laughing with you. The way they stop showing up for the little things. The way their happiness starts coming from somewhere else, and when they’re with you, it’s like their light’s gone out. They’re right in front of you, but it feels like no one’s really home anymore.
You start wondering what you did wrong. If you’ve changed. And you probably have, but only because this kind of emotional abuse does change you. It makes you second-guess yourself all the time. One minute they’re sweet, the next they’re cold. They snap at you for nothing, then act like everything’s fine. They say “I love you,” but something about it feels empty.
You find yourself in a state of constant confusion and shame. You always feel like you or the relationship is in trouble, and you're constantly trying to be ‘good enough’ to fix it, without ever knowing what ‘good enough’ even looks like. Before you know it, you’re apologizing to your partner for having a perfectly human reaction, for pointing out something your eyes, ears, and gut are clearly seeing. You find yourself apologizing far more than you are ever heard or empathized with.
And the worst part? You’re stuck competing with something you can’t even see. A ghost. Maybe it’s another person, maybe it’s just the idea of one. But either way, you’re up against a fantasy, a shiny, exciting, easy version of connection. A bubble with no bills, no crying kids, no real-life problems. Just easy attention and someone who doesn't know the hard parts of them yet.
It’s like thinking takeaway tastes better than a home-cooked meal. Of course it does, they didn’t have to shop for it, cook it, or clean up the mess. They just showed up and got served. That’s the fantasy.
That other person doesn’t see their bad morning breath or the way they never clean up after themselves. They aren't dealing with their moods, their stress, or the beautiful mess of a real, shared life. They only get the curated, perfect version.
And you can’t compete with that. No one can.
So they drift further. They stop including you in their plans. They check out of conversations. They stop showing up as a partner, a parent, a friend. And you’re left bending over backwards, making excuses for their behavior to your family and friends, trying to fix something you didn’t even break. Avoidance becomes a way of life, because every conversation feels like a potential landmine.
This is how you lose yourself. You start to mourn the death of the person you used to be, the one who was strong, who was confident. You feel like a shell of your former self, your self-esteem so non-existent that you can’t even set boundaries. You feel confused, hopeless, and your emotional dependency on them is at an all-time high, even as they are the source of your pain. You experience anxiety and depression, and you can’t even trust moments of happiness because you’re always waiting for something to go wrong.
If you feel lonely in your own relationship, if you feel replaced or pushed aside, do not ignore that feeling. Do not let anyone, including yourself, gaslight you into thinking this is normal. It’s not. You deserve a partner who makes you feel seen, heard, and cherished. You deserve a love that feels like a shelter, not a storm you’re constantly trying to survive. You deserve a partner who helps you carry your burdens, not one who becomes your heaviest burden to carry.
You deserve real love.