Transcript
So we’ve learned that some guys who are cheating will suddenly want sex all the time, driven by a weird mix of guilt and ego. But there’s another kind of guy who’s way sneakier. He’s the one who keeps sleeping with you, but now it all just feels empty. It’s like he’s going through the motions, checking a box on a to-do list you never even knew existed.
He’s not doing it because he’s horny or because he loves you. He’s doing it because he’s scared. He knows that a huge red flag for cheating is when sex suddenly stops. So, in his mind, if he keeps sleeping with you like normal, you won’t suspect a thing. The sex itself becomes his cover story, his alibi.
Psychologist Dr. Paul Coleman talks about this pattern in his book Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces. He explains, “Guilt-ridden people may increase lovemaking. Some will do so to cover their tracks. But some may do so to satisfy a partner so that the partner will not be seeking sex at a later time when the cheater knows he or she won’t be available.” To put it simply: he's having sex with you now so you won’t want it later, when he's busy with someone else.
So what does this actually feel like when it's happening to you? It feels robotic. He might just get it over with quickly, without even bothering to fully undress. There's not much kissing, no real connection, and zero effort to make sure you're enjoying it. It feels like he's having sex at you, not with you.
One woman put it perfectly: she said it felt like "he's making love like he's doing it to another woman." His body is physically there, but his mind is a million miles away. He's just acting out a scene because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to be there with you.
Think about what real, connected sex is like. He looks in your eyes, he kisses you deeply, he touches your face, and he pays attention to what you like. A guy who's just going through the motions will do the opposite. He’ll avoid eye contact, maybe by burying his face in your neck the whole time. He won't really kiss you. He'll just finish as fast as he can, with no thought about whether you do. The whole thing becomes fast and cold. No cuddling, no talking after, no connection. It's a transaction, not an act of love.
The most painful part is that he’s saving his true self for someone else. As another woman heartbreakingly explained, "He told me we’d grown apart, but he never did anything to fix it. Instead, he gave her the man I always wanted." He was putting on a show for his wife, while giving his real passion, his emotional energy, and his true self to the other woman.
Sex in a good relationship should make you feel closer, loved, and more connected, not more distant and alone. If it feels like he's just doing a chore to keep you quiet, trust that feeling. It's usually right.
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Transcript
So we’ve learned that some guys who are cheating will suddenly want sex all the time, driven by a weird mix of guilt and ego. But there’s another kind of guy who’s way sneakier. He’s the one who keeps sleeping with you, but now it all just feels empty. It’s like he’s going through the motions, checking a box on a to-do list you never even knew existed.
He’s not doing it because he’s horny or because he loves you. He’s doing it because he’s scared. He knows that a huge red flag for cheating is when sex suddenly stops. So, in his mind, if he keeps sleeping with you like normal, you won’t suspect a thing. The sex itself becomes his cover story, his alibi.
Psychologist Dr. Paul Coleman talks about this pattern in his book Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces. He explains, “Guilt-ridden people may increase lovemaking. Some will do so to cover their tracks. But some may do so to satisfy a partner so that the partner will not be seeking sex at a later time when the cheater knows he or she won’t be available.” To put it simply: he's having sex with you now so you won’t want it later, when he's busy with someone else.
So what does this actually feel like when it's happening to you? It feels robotic. He might just get it over with quickly, without even bothering to fully undress. There's not much kissing, no real connection, and zero effort to make sure you're enjoying it. It feels like he's having sex at you, not with you.
One woman put it perfectly: she said it felt like "he's making love like he's doing it to another woman." His body is physically there, but his mind is a million miles away. He's just acting out a scene because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to be there with you.
Think about what real, connected sex is like. He looks in your eyes, he kisses you deeply, he touches your face, and he pays attention to what you like. A guy who's just going through the motions will do the opposite. He’ll avoid eye contact, maybe by burying his face in your neck the whole time. He won't really kiss you. He'll just finish as fast as he can, with no thought about whether you do. The whole thing becomes fast and cold. No cuddling, no talking after, no connection. It's a transaction, not an act of love.
The most painful part is that he’s saving his true self for someone else. As another woman heartbreakingly explained, "He told me we’d grown apart, but he never did anything to fix it. Instead, he gave her the man I always wanted." He was putting on a show for his wife, while giving his real passion, his emotional energy, and his true self to the other woman.
Sex in a good relationship should make you feel closer, loved, and more connected, not more distant and alone. If it feels like he's just doing a chore to keep you quiet, trust that feeling. It's usually right.
Read More
Transcript
So we’ve learned that some guys who are cheating will suddenly want sex all the time, driven by a weird mix of guilt and ego. But there’s another kind of guy who’s way sneakier. He’s the one who keeps sleeping with you, but now it all just feels empty. It’s like he’s going through the motions, checking a box on a to-do list you never even knew existed.
He’s not doing it because he’s horny or because he loves you. He’s doing it because he’s scared. He knows that a huge red flag for cheating is when sex suddenly stops. So, in his mind, if he keeps sleeping with you like normal, you won’t suspect a thing. The sex itself becomes his cover story, his alibi.
Psychologist Dr. Paul Coleman talks about this pattern in his book Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces. He explains, “Guilt-ridden people may increase lovemaking. Some will do so to cover their tracks. But some may do so to satisfy a partner so that the partner will not be seeking sex at a later time when the cheater knows he or she won’t be available.” To put it simply: he's having sex with you now so you won’t want it later, when he's busy with someone else.
So what does this actually feel like when it's happening to you? It feels robotic. He might just get it over with quickly, without even bothering to fully undress. There's not much kissing, no real connection, and zero effort to make sure you're enjoying it. It feels like he's having sex at you, not with you.
One woman put it perfectly: she said it felt like "he's making love like he's doing it to another woman." His body is physically there, but his mind is a million miles away. He's just acting out a scene because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to be there with you.
Think about what real, connected sex is like. He looks in your eyes, he kisses you deeply, he touches your face, and he pays attention to what you like. A guy who's just going through the motions will do the opposite. He’ll avoid eye contact, maybe by burying his face in your neck the whole time. He won't really kiss you. He'll just finish as fast as he can, with no thought about whether you do. The whole thing becomes fast and cold. No cuddling, no talking after, no connection. It's a transaction, not an act of love.
The most painful part is that he’s saving his true self for someone else. As another woman heartbreakingly explained, "He told me we’d grown apart, but he never did anything to fix it. Instead, he gave her the man I always wanted." He was putting on a show for his wife, while giving his real passion, his emotional energy, and his true self to the other woman.
Sex in a good relationship should make you feel closer, loved, and more connected, not more distant and alone. If it feels like he's just doing a chore to keep you quiet, trust that feeling. It's usually right.