He wasn’t getting enough

Talking about sex can be awkward, but it's important because if things suddenly feel off in your relationship, you shouldn't ignore it. You've been with this person, and you know what feels normal for the two of you. If sex starts to feel disconnected, strange, or like he's suddenly trying to be someone he's not in bed, your gut is probably picking up on something real. While it doesn't automatically mean he's cheating, it's a clear sign that something has changed. Trust that feeling, and if you're worried, get tested for your own health and safety.

Before we move on, I want to talk about another one of the biggest myths around cheating: that men cheat because they "weren't getting enough sex at home."

You've probably heard this excuse before. "We just grew apart sexually." "My needs weren't being met at home." "It was just physical, it didn't mean anything." These are lines men have used for a long time, and they're all designed to do one thing: shift the blame for his actions onto you.

When a guy says he cheated because he "wasn't getting enough sex," it might sound kind of logical to some people. Like, oh, he wasn’t getting what he needed, so he went looking somewhere else. But no. It's total bullshit.

When he says, "We weren’t having enough sex," what he’s really saying is, "My ego wasn’t being stroked enough." When he says, "The passion was gone," he means, "I didn’t feel like the center of attention anymore." This isn't about sex; it's about entitlement and a fragile ego that needs constant validation. Instead of communicating with you or working on the relationship, he went looking for that validation somewhere else.

Think about how some men talk about sex. They describe it as something they "get" or are "given," rather than an experience you create and enjoy together. This turns sex into a transaction where women provide and men consume. When they feel they aren't "getting enough," they think they have a right to get it from someone else. It's a gross way of thinking that completely ignores that you're a human being with your own needs and desires, not some vending machine that dispenses sex on demand.

The truth is, a man's sexual "needs" are not needs at all; they are desires. Humans need air, water, food, and shelter to survive. No one has ever died from not having sex. Calling desires "needs" is just another way men try to justify their betrayal. He cheated because he wanted to, and he thought he could get away with it.

What makes this excuse so dumb is how it completely ignores how real relationships work. Every couple's sex life changes over time. Desires change, bodies change, health changes, stress happens, family happens. Life just changes over time. Navigating these changes together is what builds a strong, mature relationship. But an entitled cheater doesn't want to put in that effort. As soon as sex becomes less frequent or less exciting, he feels he has a free pass to chase someone else.

And here's something that might surprise you: that "amazing" affair sex that men claim to be having? It's usually not very good. Dr. Shirley Glass, who spent 25 years researching affairs, looked into how cheaters described the sex they were having. She found that when measured objectively, the affair sex was actually worse than what they were having at home. Way worse.

Most of the time, affair sex is rushed, awkward, and happens in places like parked cars or cheap hotel rooms with no real emotional connection. They're nervous about getting caught, and often, the man has trouble performing, which is why some of them start needing Viagra.

What makes it feel "amazing" to him isn't the sex itself, but the ego boost. It’s the thrill of someone new wanting him, the excitement of the secret, and the rush of doing something he's not supposed to. He's addicted to that feeling, not the person or the sex. It’s the neurochemical high of doing something forbidden and secret.

This is why so many men who leave their partners for the other woman find that the new relationship fails. Once the affair becomes a real relationship, the fantasy fades. There's no more sneaking around and no more adrenaline from the risk of being caught. The sex is no longer forbidden or special; it's just regular sex. And now they're stuck in a normal relationship that comes with the extra baggage of how it started.

The reality is that every long-term relationship has its sexual ups and downs. Couples who care about each other handle it like adults. They talk, they adjust, and they support each other. Cheaters don't do that. They treat any dip in their sex life as a reason to sleep with someone else because they don't want to do the emotional work. The moment things get difficult, they look for an escape and then blame you for it.

Cheating isn't about sex. It's about escape. And what he's really trying to run from isn't you; it's himself. His betrayal says nothing about your body, your desirability, or your worth. It says everything about him, his lack of character, his inability to stay loyal, and his refusal to handle life like an adult. You could have had sex with him ten times a day, and a cheater would have still found a reason. No amount of sex can affair-proof a relationship with someone who fundamentally lacks integrity.