Transcript
Social media has a horrible way of making you feel insane in a relationship. For some women, their world shatters when they read a message on Instagram they were never meant to see. But for others, it’s the time before that, the weeks or months when you're convinced something is wrong but you have no real proof.
It’s not some full-blown online affair. It’s just a weird, uncomfortable feeling you can’t quite name. You tell yourself it’s “just a like” on some random Instagram model’s photo, but you still feel sick to your stomach.
Pretty soon you start questioning everything. You wonder if you’re insecure, if you’re overreacting, if you’re just imagining it. You can’t even name what’s wrong. Is this micro-cheating, or just a guy being a guy? Is it his algorithm… or is it something more?
When you finally ask about it, he immediately gets defensive: “It’s just Instagram. You’re being controlling.”
Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about why he’s seeking validation outside the relationship. It’s about why you’re so insecure. His actions are harmless. Your anxiety is the problem. So you learn to swallow it. You silence that knot in your stomach because you’d rather be the cool, trusting girlfriend than the “psycho” he’s making you feel like.
But it doesn’t go away. That feeling hits you every time you see whose pictures he’s liking, who’s liking his, who he’s DMing, and why you weren’t on that Close Friends story he posted at 1 a.m.
And you can’t even say anything, right? He swears he’s not doing anything wrong. If you bring it up, you’re the crazy one. “It’s just social media,” and suddenly you’re the psycho girlfriend who’s trying to control him.
But let me ask you something: when did caring about your relationship become “controlling”? When did wanting reassurance become “insecure”? You’re not asking him to delete his social media. You’re asking for a relationship where you’re not competing with it. And if that already sounds unreasonable to him, you already have your answer.
So, let’s start with the first major social media red flag: the “I’m going to act single online even though I’m dating you.” If his profile has zero sign you exist, no photos, no mentions, no comments, that’s a choice. It’s deliberate omission, a way of leaving the door open. If he was proud to be with you, everyone would know. He wouldn’t be acting like you’re a secret.
Then there’s the constant, desperate need for validation from other women. You see it in the fire emojis he leaves on their selfies, the flirty replies to their stories, the thirst-trap photos he posts of himself just waiting for the comments to roll in. When he’s more invested in getting a “you’re so hot” from a stranger on the internet than in connecting with you, it’s pretty clear his image matters more than the relationship.
And it’s not just what he posts. It’s the stuff he makes sure you never see. The Snapchat stories at 2 a.m., conveniently deleted before you wake up. The Instagram Close Friends list you suddenly realize you’re not on anymore. The suspiciously clean search history and the gaps in his DMs where conversations used to be. He’s actively erasing his tracks, cutting you out of entire parts of his life, and betting you’re too trusting to notice.
And don’t forget the behavior he doesn’t even bother to hide. If he’s publicly following OnlyFans creators or liking pictures of half-naked women, it might not be what he calls cheating, but it’s embarrassing and so disrespectful. Your friends and family can see that. If he’s comfortable being that disrespectful in plain sight, imagine what he’s doing in private.
What you might not even know about is the second account. The burner. So many men have a secret Instagram, a “finsta” with a random username he knows you’ll never find. It’s his digital black box where he follows all the women he doesn’t want on his main feed, watches their stories anonymously, and sends DMs that can’t be traced back to him. Or it might be a secret Twitter or Reddit account for porn and anonymous chatting, or a hidden Snapchat and Telegram used for disappearing messages and streaks with women you’ve never met. If your partner is a grown man, not a teenager, a grown-ass man, there is almost no legitimate reason for him to still be using Snapchat.
But the final and most non-negotiable red flag on social media is when he suddenly reconnects with his ex. Doing this is never “just a like” or “just checking in.” Reconnecting with an ex is one of the most disrespectful things a person can do in a relationship. It’s a deliberate choice to put someone from his past back into his present. I don’t care if she’s “just a friend now.” When you have a history with someone, there’s no such thing as casual contact. This applies to any old friend or anyone he’s ever hooked up with or wanted to.
A past connection is like a door. It’s either open or closed. The moment he cracks it open, old feelings, inside jokes, and shared memories creep back in, and suddenly you’re no longer the only person in that room.
In her blogs, dating expert Natasha Adamo describes healthy relationships as linear. They are a straight line that runs only between you and him. But as soon as someone or something else gets a seat in that space, whether it’s following an ex, reconnecting with someone from his hometown, or liking some random OnlyFans photos, that straight line breaks and becomes a triangle. In her words, “If your relationship can be defined as you, him, and social media, that’s not true love, that’s a very sh*tty, and heartbreaking threesome.”
When a man’s digital behavior consistently makes you feel excluded, disrespected, or secondary, he is showing you exactly who he is and what he prioritizes. You’re not crazy for seeing it. These aren’t meaningless pixels. They’re choices. And trying to get a professional triangle-maker to understand a straight line is impossible.
Just let him play with his dumb little triangles alone.
Read More
Transcript
Social media has a horrible way of making you feel insane in a relationship. For some women, their world shatters when they read a message on Instagram they were never meant to see. But for others, it’s the time before that, the weeks or months when you're convinced something is wrong but you have no real proof.
It’s not some full-blown online affair. It’s just a weird, uncomfortable feeling you can’t quite name. You tell yourself it’s “just a like” on some random Instagram model’s photo, but you still feel sick to your stomach.
Pretty soon you start questioning everything. You wonder if you’re insecure, if you’re overreacting, if you’re just imagining it. You can’t even name what’s wrong. Is this micro-cheating, or just a guy being a guy? Is it his algorithm… or is it something more?
When you finally ask about it, he immediately gets defensive: “It’s just Instagram. You’re being controlling.”
Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about why he’s seeking validation outside the relationship. It’s about why you’re so insecure. His actions are harmless. Your anxiety is the problem. So you learn to swallow it. You silence that knot in your stomach because you’d rather be the cool, trusting girlfriend than the “psycho” he’s making you feel like.
But it doesn’t go away. That feeling hits you every time you see whose pictures he’s liking, who’s liking his, who he’s DMing, and why you weren’t on that Close Friends story he posted at 1 a.m.
And you can’t even say anything, right? He swears he’s not doing anything wrong. If you bring it up, you’re the crazy one. “It’s just social media,” and suddenly you’re the psycho girlfriend who’s trying to control him.
But let me ask you something: when did caring about your relationship become “controlling”? When did wanting reassurance become “insecure”? You’re not asking him to delete his social media. You’re asking for a relationship where you’re not competing with it. And if that already sounds unreasonable to him, you already have your answer.
So, let’s start with the first major social media red flag: the “I’m going to act single online even though I’m dating you.” If his profile has zero sign you exist, no photos, no mentions, no comments, that’s a choice. It’s deliberate omission, a way of leaving the door open. If he was proud to be with you, everyone would know. He wouldn’t be acting like you’re a secret.
Then there’s the constant, desperate need for validation from other women. You see it in the fire emojis he leaves on their selfies, the flirty replies to their stories, the thirst-trap photos he posts of himself just waiting for the comments to roll in. When he’s more invested in getting a “you’re so hot” from a stranger on the internet than in connecting with you, it’s pretty clear his image matters more than the relationship.
And it’s not just what he posts. It’s the stuff he makes sure you never see. The Snapchat stories at 2 a.m., conveniently deleted before you wake up. The Instagram Close Friends list you suddenly realize you’re not on anymore. The suspiciously clean search history and the gaps in his DMs where conversations used to be. He’s actively erasing his tracks, cutting you out of entire parts of his life, and betting you’re too trusting to notice.
And don’t forget the behavior he doesn’t even bother to hide. If he’s publicly following OnlyFans creators or liking pictures of half-naked women, it might not be what he calls cheating, but it’s embarrassing and so disrespectful. Your friends and family can see that. If he’s comfortable being that disrespectful in plain sight, imagine what he’s doing in private.
What you might not even know about is the second account. The burner. So many men have a secret Instagram, a “finsta” with a random username he knows you’ll never find. It’s his digital black box where he follows all the women he doesn’t want on his main feed, watches their stories anonymously, and sends DMs that can’t be traced back to him. Or it might be a secret Twitter or Reddit account for porn and anonymous chatting, or a hidden Snapchat and Telegram used for disappearing messages and streaks with women you’ve never met. If your partner is a grown man, not a teenager, a grown-ass man, there is almost no legitimate reason for him to still be using Snapchat.
But the final and most non-negotiable red flag on social media is when he suddenly reconnects with his ex. Doing this is never “just a like” or “just checking in.” Reconnecting with an ex is one of the most disrespectful things a person can do in a relationship. It’s a deliberate choice to put someone from his past back into his present. I don’t care if she’s “just a friend now.” When you have a history with someone, there’s no such thing as casual contact. This applies to any old friend or anyone he’s ever hooked up with or wanted to.
A past connection is like a door. It’s either open or closed. The moment he cracks it open, old feelings, inside jokes, and shared memories creep back in, and suddenly you’re no longer the only person in that room.
In her blogs, dating expert Natasha Adamo describes healthy relationships as linear. They are a straight line that runs only between you and him. But as soon as someone or something else gets a seat in that space, whether it’s following an ex, reconnecting with someone from his hometown, or liking some random OnlyFans photos, that straight line breaks and becomes a triangle. In her words, “If your relationship can be defined as you, him, and social media, that’s not true love, that’s a very sh*tty, and heartbreaking threesome.”
When a man’s digital behavior consistently makes you feel excluded, disrespected, or secondary, he is showing you exactly who he is and what he prioritizes. You’re not crazy for seeing it. These aren’t meaningless pixels. They’re choices. And trying to get a professional triangle-maker to understand a straight line is impossible.
Just let him play with his dumb little triangles alone.
Read More
Transcript
Social media has a horrible way of making you feel insane in a relationship. For some women, their world shatters when they read a message on Instagram they were never meant to see. But for others, it’s the time before that, the weeks or months when you're convinced something is wrong but you have no real proof.
It’s not some full-blown online affair. It’s just a weird, uncomfortable feeling you can’t quite name. You tell yourself it’s “just a like” on some random Instagram model’s photo, but you still feel sick to your stomach.
Pretty soon you start questioning everything. You wonder if you’re insecure, if you’re overreacting, if you’re just imagining it. You can’t even name what’s wrong. Is this micro-cheating, or just a guy being a guy? Is it his algorithm… or is it something more?
When you finally ask about it, he immediately gets defensive: “It’s just Instagram. You’re being controlling.”
Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about why he’s seeking validation outside the relationship. It’s about why you’re so insecure. His actions are harmless. Your anxiety is the problem. So you learn to swallow it. You silence that knot in your stomach because you’d rather be the cool, trusting girlfriend than the “psycho” he’s making you feel like.
But it doesn’t go away. That feeling hits you every time you see whose pictures he’s liking, who’s liking his, who he’s DMing, and why you weren’t on that Close Friends story he posted at 1 a.m.
And you can’t even say anything, right? He swears he’s not doing anything wrong. If you bring it up, you’re the crazy one. “It’s just social media,” and suddenly you’re the psycho girlfriend who’s trying to control him.
But let me ask you something: when did caring about your relationship become “controlling”? When did wanting reassurance become “insecure”? You’re not asking him to delete his social media. You’re asking for a relationship where you’re not competing with it. And if that already sounds unreasonable to him, you already have your answer.
So, let’s start with the first major social media red flag: the “I’m going to act single online even though I’m dating you.” If his profile has zero sign you exist, no photos, no mentions, no comments, that’s a choice. It’s deliberate omission, a way of leaving the door open. If he was proud to be with you, everyone would know. He wouldn’t be acting like you’re a secret.
Then there’s the constant, desperate need for validation from other women. You see it in the fire emojis he leaves on their selfies, the flirty replies to their stories, the thirst-trap photos he posts of himself just waiting for the comments to roll in. When he’s more invested in getting a “you’re so hot” from a stranger on the internet than in connecting with you, it’s pretty clear his image matters more than the relationship.
And it’s not just what he posts. It’s the stuff he makes sure you never see. The Snapchat stories at 2 a.m., conveniently deleted before you wake up. The Instagram Close Friends list you suddenly realize you’re not on anymore. The suspiciously clean search history and the gaps in his DMs where conversations used to be. He’s actively erasing his tracks, cutting you out of entire parts of his life, and betting you’re too trusting to notice.
And don’t forget the behavior he doesn’t even bother to hide. If he’s publicly following OnlyFans creators or liking pictures of half-naked women, it might not be what he calls cheating, but it’s embarrassing and so disrespectful. Your friends and family can see that. If he’s comfortable being that disrespectful in plain sight, imagine what he’s doing in private.
What you might not even know about is the second account. The burner. So many men have a secret Instagram, a “finsta” with a random username he knows you’ll never find. It’s his digital black box where he follows all the women he doesn’t want on his main feed, watches their stories anonymously, and sends DMs that can’t be traced back to him. Or it might be a secret Twitter or Reddit account for porn and anonymous chatting, or a hidden Snapchat and Telegram used for disappearing messages and streaks with women you’ve never met. If your partner is a grown man, not a teenager, a grown-ass man, there is almost no legitimate reason for him to still be using Snapchat.
But the final and most non-negotiable red flag on social media is when he suddenly reconnects with his ex. Doing this is never “just a like” or “just checking in.” Reconnecting with an ex is one of the most disrespectful things a person can do in a relationship. It’s a deliberate choice to put someone from his past back into his present. I don’t care if she’s “just a friend now.” When you have a history with someone, there’s no such thing as casual contact. This applies to any old friend or anyone he’s ever hooked up with or wanted to.
A past connection is like a door. It’s either open or closed. The moment he cracks it open, old feelings, inside jokes, and shared memories creep back in, and suddenly you’re no longer the only person in that room.
In her blogs, dating expert Natasha Adamo describes healthy relationships as linear. They are a straight line that runs only between you and him. But as soon as someone or something else gets a seat in that space, whether it’s following an ex, reconnecting with someone from his hometown, or liking some random OnlyFans photos, that straight line breaks and becomes a triangle. In her words, “If your relationship can be defined as you, him, and social media, that’s not true love, that’s a very sh*tty, and heartbreaking threesome.”
When a man’s digital behavior consistently makes you feel excluded, disrespected, or secondary, he is showing you exactly who he is and what he prioritizes. You’re not crazy for seeing it. These aren’t meaningless pixels. They’re choices. And trying to get a professional triangle-maker to understand a straight line is impossible.
Just let him play with his dumb little triangles alone.