Transcript
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” and maybe thought it was just something people say. But honestly, there’s a lot of truth to it, especially with guys who start young. Cheating isn’t always something they just randomly do at age 40 when they have a midlife crisis, buy a sports car, and chase some 25-year-old. It often starts way earlier, and the habits they form in their teens and twenties can set the tone for the rest of a cheater’s life.
It all starts back in high school or college. Honestly, this is the highest-risk time for a guy to cheat. Think about it: they’re young, full of hormones, and haven’t really figured out how to handle their feelings yet. They’re surrounded by a party scene and a hookup culture that makes sleeping around seem totally normal. Plus, you haven’t built a life together. There’s no house, no kids, no years of shared history, so in his head, cheating on you just doesn’t feel like that big of a deal. If you hear him saying things like, “We’re young, we’re not supposed to be that serious,” or “Everyone hooks up in college,” pay attention. He’s showing you his mindset. He’s basically saying that his age is an excuse to betray you. And that kind of thinking doesn’t just vanish after he gets his degree. If he’s okay with disrespecting you now, he’s learning that it’s an acceptable way to behave in a relationship.
Then, as he gets into his twenties and thirties, he doesn’t change, he just gets better at hiding it. This is when he might land his first real job, start making decent money, and get a big ego boost. For a guy who’s already a bit shady, that new success is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Research from the General Social Survey showed that men in high-status jobs, like lawyers, executives, surgeons, or CEOs, are twice as likely to cheat compared to guys in middle-income jobs. Think about that CEO who got caught cheating on the Coldplay kiss cam. It’s not that the money makes them cheat, but it gives them more opportunities and cover. They travel more for work, have more money to spend, and can easily lie about where they are. And some of them actually believe they’ve earned it. They’ll think, “I work hard, I deserve a little fun.”
By this point, he’s had years of practice. He knows exactly what to say to make you feel secure. He’ll talk about settling down, about the future, about how serious he is about you. But behind your back, he’s still got dating apps on his phone, he’s still texting his ex, or he’s a little too friendly with that new girl at work.
He’s playing the part of the perfect boyfriend because deep down, he still thinks he’s young enough to trade up to a better wife before things get too complicated with marriage or kids. So he strings you along, acting like the good guy while always having one foot out the door.
But eventually, the act falls apart. For a lot of these guys, the moment it all comes crashing down is when you get pregnant. That’s when you see his true colors. All of a sudden, he feels trapped. He starts to resent you, your changing body, and the fact that you can’t give him 100% of your attention anymore. He’ll blame you, saying you’re too tired for him or that you’ve changed. Then, once the baby arrives, he’ll start playing the victim. He’ll say things like, “You just don’t have time for me anymore, I felt so left out,” as if a mother caring for her newborn somehow justifies screwing around.
Relationship writer Tracy Schorn puts it like this: “There is a special ring of hell for people who are cheating on their pregnant partners.” And she’s right. This is exactly when a woman needs support, not betrayal. But some men do not care. They want the emotional support, the stability of having a wife, but they also want the thrill of someone new. They want their cake, and they want to eat it too.
By the time he’s pushing 40, if he’s been cheating for years, he doesn’t suddenly stop. He just gets better at hiding it. There’s no obvious flirting over text. The dating apps are on a second phone. His wife doesn’t even know he has a Snapchat.
And as he gets older, he’s not chasing women his own age anymore; he’s chasing younger women. It’s not because they’re “more fun,” but because they’re easier to fool.
When he says, “We’re just staying together for the kids,” a woman his age knows that almost always means he’s still sleeping with his wife. She’s not buying the line, “We’ve grown apart,” when he’s still going on family vacations and posting smiling photos as a couple. She doesn’t hear, “I’m not happy,” and think, Wow, poor guy. She hears that and thinks, Then why haven’t you left?
A woman much younger than him, who hasn’t heard all these lies before, might hear, “It’s complicated,” and think it’s some messy love story. She might actually believe him when he says his marriage is “basically over,” even though he’s never packed a bag or moved out. She doesn’t realize that if someone needs to hide you, it’s not because their life is messy, it’s because you’re the secret. These guys know this. That’s why they target women who haven’t seen the pattern yet. They don’t want someone who’s going to ask the hard questions; they want someone who hasn’t learned how to ask them yet.
That’s why the most important thing you can do is listen to what the poet Maya Angelou once said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
If you’re 19 and your boyfriend has already shown you he can’t be trusted, believe him. If you’re in your mid-twenties and he’s still keeping his exes a little too close or scrolling through dating apps “just for fun,” believe him. If he constantly needs validation from other women just to feel good about himself, believe him. Believe him the very first time.
A guy who lacks integrity at 18 isn’t going to magically grow a conscience at 40. The excuses just change. In his twenties it’s, “I was drunk, it’s just college.” In his thirties, it becomes, “It meant nothing, I was just stressed about work.” By 40, it’s, “I felt unappreciated at home. I needed to feel like a man again.”
It’s always different excuses, but it’s always the same choice.
You deserve someone who chooses to be faithful simply because that’s who he is, a person with integrity, at every stage of his life. You cannot fix a cheater. You cannot love them into faithfulness. You cannot be perfect enough to stop them from straying. Men don’t cheat because of something you did or didn’t do; they cheat because of who they are. Your job isn’t to change them. Your job is to recognize the patterns, trust your instincts, and protect your own heart.
Read More
Transcript
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” and maybe thought it was just something people say. But honestly, there’s a lot of truth to it, especially with guys who start young. Cheating isn’t always something they just randomly do at age 40 when they have a midlife crisis, buy a sports car, and chase some 25-year-old. It often starts way earlier, and the habits they form in their teens and twenties can set the tone for the rest of a cheater’s life.
It all starts back in high school or college. Honestly, this is the highest-risk time for a guy to cheat. Think about it: they’re young, full of hormones, and haven’t really figured out how to handle their feelings yet. They’re surrounded by a party scene and a hookup culture that makes sleeping around seem totally normal. Plus, you haven’t built a life together. There’s no house, no kids, no years of shared history, so in his head, cheating on you just doesn’t feel like that big of a deal. If you hear him saying things like, “We’re young, we’re not supposed to be that serious,” or “Everyone hooks up in college,” pay attention. He’s showing you his mindset. He’s basically saying that his age is an excuse to betray you. And that kind of thinking doesn’t just vanish after he gets his degree. If he’s okay with disrespecting you now, he’s learning that it’s an acceptable way to behave in a relationship.
Then, as he gets into his twenties and thirties, he doesn’t change, he just gets better at hiding it. This is when he might land his first real job, start making decent money, and get a big ego boost. For a guy who’s already a bit shady, that new success is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Research from the General Social Survey showed that men in high-status jobs, like lawyers, executives, surgeons, or CEOs, are twice as likely to cheat compared to guys in middle-income jobs. Think about that CEO who got caught cheating on the Coldplay kiss cam. It’s not that the money makes them cheat, but it gives them more opportunities and cover. They travel more for work, have more money to spend, and can easily lie about where they are. And some of them actually believe they’ve earned it. They’ll think, “I work hard, I deserve a little fun.”
By this point, he’s had years of practice. He knows exactly what to say to make you feel secure. He’ll talk about settling down, about the future, about how serious he is about you. But behind your back, he’s still got dating apps on his phone, he’s still texting his ex, or he’s a little too friendly with that new girl at work.
He’s playing the part of the perfect boyfriend because deep down, he still thinks he’s young enough to trade up to a better wife before things get too complicated with marriage or kids. So he strings you along, acting like the good guy while always having one foot out the door.
But eventually, the act falls apart. For a lot of these guys, the moment it all comes crashing down is when you get pregnant. That’s when you see his true colors. All of a sudden, he feels trapped. He starts to resent you, your changing body, and the fact that you can’t give him 100% of your attention anymore. He’ll blame you, saying you’re too tired for him or that you’ve changed. Then, once the baby arrives, he’ll start playing the victim. He’ll say things like, “You just don’t have time for me anymore, I felt so left out,” as if a mother caring for her newborn somehow justifies screwing around.
Relationship writer Tracy Schorn puts it like this: “There is a special ring of hell for people who are cheating on their pregnant partners.” And she’s right. This is exactly when a woman needs support, not betrayal. But some men do not care. They want the emotional support, the stability of having a wife, but they also want the thrill of someone new. They want their cake, and they want to eat it too.
By the time he’s pushing 40, if he’s been cheating for years, he doesn’t suddenly stop. He just gets better at hiding it. There’s no obvious flirting over text. The dating apps are on a second phone. His wife doesn’t even know he has a Snapchat.
And as he gets older, he’s not chasing women his own age anymore; he’s chasing younger women. It’s not because they’re “more fun,” but because they’re easier to fool.
When he says, “We’re just staying together for the kids,” a woman his age knows that almost always means he’s still sleeping with his wife. She’s not buying the line, “We’ve grown apart,” when he’s still going on family vacations and posting smiling photos as a couple. She doesn’t hear, “I’m not happy,” and think, Wow, poor guy. She hears that and thinks, Then why haven’t you left?
A woman much younger than him, who hasn’t heard all these lies before, might hear, “It’s complicated,” and think it’s some messy love story. She might actually believe him when he says his marriage is “basically over,” even though he’s never packed a bag or moved out. She doesn’t realize that if someone needs to hide you, it’s not because their life is messy, it’s because you’re the secret. These guys know this. That’s why they target women who haven’t seen the pattern yet. They don’t want someone who’s going to ask the hard questions; they want someone who hasn’t learned how to ask them yet.
That’s why the most important thing you can do is listen to what the poet Maya Angelou once said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
If you’re 19 and your boyfriend has already shown you he can’t be trusted, believe him. If you’re in your mid-twenties and he’s still keeping his exes a little too close or scrolling through dating apps “just for fun,” believe him. If he constantly needs validation from other women just to feel good about himself, believe him. Believe him the very first time.
A guy who lacks integrity at 18 isn’t going to magically grow a conscience at 40. The excuses just change. In his twenties it’s, “I was drunk, it’s just college.” In his thirties, it becomes, “It meant nothing, I was just stressed about work.” By 40, it’s, “I felt unappreciated at home. I needed to feel like a man again.”
It’s always different excuses, but it’s always the same choice.
You deserve someone who chooses to be faithful simply because that’s who he is, a person with integrity, at every stage of his life. You cannot fix a cheater. You cannot love them into faithfulness. You cannot be perfect enough to stop them from straying. Men don’t cheat because of something you did or didn’t do; they cheat because of who they are. Your job isn’t to change them. Your job is to recognize the patterns, trust your instincts, and protect your own heart.
Read More
Transcript
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” and maybe thought it was just something people say. But honestly, there’s a lot of truth to it, especially with guys who start young. Cheating isn’t always something they just randomly do at age 40 when they have a midlife crisis, buy a sports car, and chase some 25-year-old. It often starts way earlier, and the habits they form in their teens and twenties can set the tone for the rest of a cheater’s life.
It all starts back in high school or college. Honestly, this is the highest-risk time for a guy to cheat. Think about it: they’re young, full of hormones, and haven’t really figured out how to handle their feelings yet. They’re surrounded by a party scene and a hookup culture that makes sleeping around seem totally normal. Plus, you haven’t built a life together. There’s no house, no kids, no years of shared history, so in his head, cheating on you just doesn’t feel like that big of a deal. If you hear him saying things like, “We’re young, we’re not supposed to be that serious,” or “Everyone hooks up in college,” pay attention. He’s showing you his mindset. He’s basically saying that his age is an excuse to betray you. And that kind of thinking doesn’t just vanish after he gets his degree. If he’s okay with disrespecting you now, he’s learning that it’s an acceptable way to behave in a relationship.
Then, as he gets into his twenties and thirties, he doesn’t change, he just gets better at hiding it. This is when he might land his first real job, start making decent money, and get a big ego boost. For a guy who’s already a bit shady, that new success is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Research from the General Social Survey showed that men in high-status jobs, like lawyers, executives, surgeons, or CEOs, are twice as likely to cheat compared to guys in middle-income jobs. Think about that CEO who got caught cheating on the Coldplay kiss cam. It’s not that the money makes them cheat, but it gives them more opportunities and cover. They travel more for work, have more money to spend, and can easily lie about where they are. And some of them actually believe they’ve earned it. They’ll think, “I work hard, I deserve a little fun.”
By this point, he’s had years of practice. He knows exactly what to say to make you feel secure. He’ll talk about settling down, about the future, about how serious he is about you. But behind your back, he’s still got dating apps on his phone, he’s still texting his ex, or he’s a little too friendly with that new girl at work.
He’s playing the part of the perfect boyfriend because deep down, he still thinks he’s young enough to trade up to a better wife before things get too complicated with marriage or kids. So he strings you along, acting like the good guy while always having one foot out the door.
But eventually, the act falls apart. For a lot of these guys, the moment it all comes crashing down is when you get pregnant. That’s when you see his true colors. All of a sudden, he feels trapped. He starts to resent you, your changing body, and the fact that you can’t give him 100% of your attention anymore. He’ll blame you, saying you’re too tired for him or that you’ve changed. Then, once the baby arrives, he’ll start playing the victim. He’ll say things like, “You just don’t have time for me anymore, I felt so left out,” as if a mother caring for her newborn somehow justifies screwing around.
Relationship writer Tracy Schorn puts it like this: “There is a special ring of hell for people who are cheating on their pregnant partners.” And she’s right. This is exactly when a woman needs support, not betrayal. But some men do not care. They want the emotional support, the stability of having a wife, but they also want the thrill of someone new. They want their cake, and they want to eat it too.
By the time he’s pushing 40, if he’s been cheating for years, he doesn’t suddenly stop. He just gets better at hiding it. There’s no obvious flirting over text. The dating apps are on a second phone. His wife doesn’t even know he has a Snapchat.
And as he gets older, he’s not chasing women his own age anymore; he’s chasing younger women. It’s not because they’re “more fun,” but because they’re easier to fool.
When he says, “We’re just staying together for the kids,” a woman his age knows that almost always means he’s still sleeping with his wife. She’s not buying the line, “We’ve grown apart,” when he’s still going on family vacations and posting smiling photos as a couple. She doesn’t hear, “I’m not happy,” and think, Wow, poor guy. She hears that and thinks, Then why haven’t you left?
A woman much younger than him, who hasn’t heard all these lies before, might hear, “It’s complicated,” and think it’s some messy love story. She might actually believe him when he says his marriage is “basically over,” even though he’s never packed a bag or moved out. She doesn’t realize that if someone needs to hide you, it’s not because their life is messy, it’s because you’re the secret. These guys know this. That’s why they target women who haven’t seen the pattern yet. They don’t want someone who’s going to ask the hard questions; they want someone who hasn’t learned how to ask them yet.
That’s why the most important thing you can do is listen to what the poet Maya Angelou once said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
If you’re 19 and your boyfriend has already shown you he can’t be trusted, believe him. If you’re in your mid-twenties and he’s still keeping his exes a little too close or scrolling through dating apps “just for fun,” believe him. If he constantly needs validation from other women just to feel good about himself, believe him. Believe him the very first time.
A guy who lacks integrity at 18 isn’t going to magically grow a conscience at 40. The excuses just change. In his twenties it’s, “I was drunk, it’s just college.” In his thirties, it becomes, “It meant nothing, I was just stressed about work.” By 40, it’s, “I felt unappreciated at home. I needed to feel like a man again.”
It’s always different excuses, but it’s always the same choice.
You deserve someone who chooses to be faithful simply because that’s who he is, a person with integrity, at every stage of his life. You cannot fix a cheater. You cannot love them into faithfulness. You cannot be perfect enough to stop them from straying. Men don’t cheat because of something you did or didn’t do; they cheat because of who they are. Your job isn’t to change them. Your job is to recognize the patterns, trust your instincts, and protect your own heart.