Transcript
When you start dating someone, you might hope it’s just the two of you. But no relationship exists in a vacuum. When you choose a partner, whether we like it or not, you’re also choosing the people they surround themselves with. As the saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.”
We often think of cheating as a very personal, secret mistake. One person making a bad choice when no one is looking. But a lot of the time, that’s not how it happens. People cheat out in the open. They laugh about it with their friends, they brag about it, and they act like it’s not a big deal. And usually, the people cheering them on are a group of friends who are all doing the same thing.
It’s easy to think, “He’s his own person, his friends don’t affect him.” But think about it. We all want to fit in. We want the people around us to accept us. So if a guy’s friends all treat cheating like it’s normal, or even like it’s something to be impressed by, he’s going to start seeing it that way too. His brain stops asking, “Is this right?” and starts asking, “What do my friends think is cool?”
Some guys will literally brag about cheating just to get a pat on the back from their buddies. They’ll say things like, “She was all over me, I’ve still got it,” just to show off. If your boyfriend’s friends talk like that, it’s sending him a message, loud and clear, that cheating is okay. After a while, he might start thinking that if everyone else is doing it, it can’t be that bad.
Let me give you a real-world example. There was a guy named Vince. When Vince got married, he was totally in love. He wasn’t thinking about anyone but his wife. A few years in, he joined his work’s basketball team. It seemed harmless, right? But the guys on that team had their own little culture. They started teasing him for being a faithful husband. They called him “whipped” because he’d go home after practice instead of going out for drinks with them. Every week, he’d hear little comments like, “What’s the point of being married if you can’t have a little fun?” or “Don’t worry, your wife will never find out.”
At first, Vince just laughed it off. But hearing those same excuses and the same stories about cheating, passed around like trophies, started to change him. The thing that once felt so obviously wrong started to feel possible. That’s how a group of friends can wear him down and blur the lines he thought he’d never cross.
And Vince’s story isn’t just a one-off. The numbers actually back this up. Many studies have found that three out of four men who cheat have close friends who also cheat. Think about that for a second. Most of the time a guy cheats on his partner, he’s not the only one in his friend group doing it. He’s surrounded by it. It feels normal to him because his entire environment is telling him it is.
What’s even more dangerous, though, is when nobody says anything at all. Psychologists call it pluralistic ignorance. It’s when everyone in a group stays silent about bad behavior because they assume everyone else is okay with it. Even if most of the men in a group privately think cheating is wrong, their silence speaks louder than words. When no one is willing to be the one to say, “Hey, that’s not cool,” not cheating starts to feel like the weird choice. The silence becomes a form of permission. And if your guy spends enough time in circles like that, it increases the risk that he might follow along.
So why does any of this matter to you? Because your partner’s friendships are never neutral. They are either actively supporting your relationship or quietly undermining it. This isn’t about telling him who he can or can’t hang out with. It’s about being honest with yourself about the world he chooses to live in, and whether that world aligns with the kind of relationship you want.
Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It grows in environments where it’s normalized, encouraged, or simply ignored. That’s why paying attention to the “birds of a feather” is so important. The flock he chooses to fly with tells you a lot about where he’s headed, and ultimately, it can determine the future of your relationship.
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Transcript
When you start dating someone, you might hope it’s just the two of you. But no relationship exists in a vacuum. When you choose a partner, whether we like it or not, you’re also choosing the people they surround themselves with. As the saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.”
We often think of cheating as a very personal, secret mistake. One person making a bad choice when no one is looking. But a lot of the time, that’s not how it happens. People cheat out in the open. They laugh about it with their friends, they brag about it, and they act like it’s not a big deal. And usually, the people cheering them on are a group of friends who are all doing the same thing.
It’s easy to think, “He’s his own person, his friends don’t affect him.” But think about it. We all want to fit in. We want the people around us to accept us. So if a guy’s friends all treat cheating like it’s normal, or even like it’s something to be impressed by, he’s going to start seeing it that way too. His brain stops asking, “Is this right?” and starts asking, “What do my friends think is cool?”
Some guys will literally brag about cheating just to get a pat on the back from their buddies. They’ll say things like, “She was all over me, I’ve still got it,” just to show off. If your boyfriend’s friends talk like that, it’s sending him a message, loud and clear, that cheating is okay. After a while, he might start thinking that if everyone else is doing it, it can’t be that bad.
Let me give you a real-world example. There was a guy named Vince. When Vince got married, he was totally in love. He wasn’t thinking about anyone but his wife. A few years in, he joined his work’s basketball team. It seemed harmless, right? But the guys on that team had their own little culture. They started teasing him for being a faithful husband. They called him “whipped” because he’d go home after practice instead of going out for drinks with them. Every week, he’d hear little comments like, “What’s the point of being married if you can’t have a little fun?” or “Don’t worry, your wife will never find out.”
At first, Vince just laughed it off. But hearing those same excuses and the same stories about cheating, passed around like trophies, started to change him. The thing that once felt so obviously wrong started to feel possible. That’s how a group of friends can wear him down and blur the lines he thought he’d never cross.
And Vince’s story isn’t just a one-off. The numbers actually back this up. Many studies have found that three out of four men who cheat have close friends who also cheat. Think about that for a second. Most of the time a guy cheats on his partner, he’s not the only one in his friend group doing it. He’s surrounded by it. It feels normal to him because his entire environment is telling him it is.
What’s even more dangerous, though, is when nobody says anything at all. Psychologists call it pluralistic ignorance. It’s when everyone in a group stays silent about bad behavior because they assume everyone else is okay with it. Even if most of the men in a group privately think cheating is wrong, their silence speaks louder than words. When no one is willing to be the one to say, “Hey, that’s not cool,” not cheating starts to feel like the weird choice. The silence becomes a form of permission. And if your guy spends enough time in circles like that, it increases the risk that he might follow along.
So why does any of this matter to you? Because your partner’s friendships are never neutral. They are either actively supporting your relationship or quietly undermining it. This isn’t about telling him who he can or can’t hang out with. It’s about being honest with yourself about the world he chooses to live in, and whether that world aligns with the kind of relationship you want.
Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It grows in environments where it’s normalized, encouraged, or simply ignored. That’s why paying attention to the “birds of a feather” is so important. The flock he chooses to fly with tells you a lot about where he’s headed, and ultimately, it can determine the future of your relationship.
Read More
Transcript
When you start dating someone, you might hope it’s just the two of you. But no relationship exists in a vacuum. When you choose a partner, whether we like it or not, you’re also choosing the people they surround themselves with. As the saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.”
We often think of cheating as a very personal, secret mistake. One person making a bad choice when no one is looking. But a lot of the time, that’s not how it happens. People cheat out in the open. They laugh about it with their friends, they brag about it, and they act like it’s not a big deal. And usually, the people cheering them on are a group of friends who are all doing the same thing.
It’s easy to think, “He’s his own person, his friends don’t affect him.” But think about it. We all want to fit in. We want the people around us to accept us. So if a guy’s friends all treat cheating like it’s normal, or even like it’s something to be impressed by, he’s going to start seeing it that way too. His brain stops asking, “Is this right?” and starts asking, “What do my friends think is cool?”
Some guys will literally brag about cheating just to get a pat on the back from their buddies. They’ll say things like, “She was all over me, I’ve still got it,” just to show off. If your boyfriend’s friends talk like that, it’s sending him a message, loud and clear, that cheating is okay. After a while, he might start thinking that if everyone else is doing it, it can’t be that bad.
Let me give you a real-world example. There was a guy named Vince. When Vince got married, he was totally in love. He wasn’t thinking about anyone but his wife. A few years in, he joined his work’s basketball team. It seemed harmless, right? But the guys on that team had their own little culture. They started teasing him for being a faithful husband. They called him “whipped” because he’d go home after practice instead of going out for drinks with them. Every week, he’d hear little comments like, “What’s the point of being married if you can’t have a little fun?” or “Don’t worry, your wife will never find out.”
At first, Vince just laughed it off. But hearing those same excuses and the same stories about cheating, passed around like trophies, started to change him. The thing that once felt so obviously wrong started to feel possible. That’s how a group of friends can wear him down and blur the lines he thought he’d never cross.
And Vince’s story isn’t just a one-off. The numbers actually back this up. Many studies have found that three out of four men who cheat have close friends who also cheat. Think about that for a second. Most of the time a guy cheats on his partner, he’s not the only one in his friend group doing it. He’s surrounded by it. It feels normal to him because his entire environment is telling him it is.
What’s even more dangerous, though, is when nobody says anything at all. Psychologists call it pluralistic ignorance. It’s when everyone in a group stays silent about bad behavior because they assume everyone else is okay with it. Even if most of the men in a group privately think cheating is wrong, their silence speaks louder than words. When no one is willing to be the one to say, “Hey, that’s not cool,” not cheating starts to feel like the weird choice. The silence becomes a form of permission. And if your guy spends enough time in circles like that, it increases the risk that he might follow along.
So why does any of this matter to you? Because your partner’s friendships are never neutral. They are either actively supporting your relationship or quietly undermining it. This isn’t about telling him who he can or can’t hang out with. It’s about being honest with yourself about the world he chooses to live in, and whether that world aligns with the kind of relationship you want.
Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It grows in environments where it’s normalized, encouraged, or simply ignored. That’s why paying attention to the “birds of a feather” is so important. The flock he chooses to fly with tells you a lot about where he’s headed, and ultimately, it can determine the future of your relationship.