Pink Flag Audio
Module: 56
Friends and Family
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Transcript
If your partner is cheating, you’re probably not going to be the first person to know. In fact, you’re likely to be the last. His friends, his family, even some of his coworkers will probably sense that something is off long before you do. That’s because when he’s with you, he’s on guard. He watches what he says, makes sure his stories line up, keeps his phone close, and tries to act normal. But when he’s around other people, especially those he trusts, the mask slips. Maybe he tells his mom that things are complicated with you. Maybe he admits to his best friend that he’s been talking to someone else. Sometimes, he just acts differently when you’re not there, and they notice. They start putting the pieces together, and suddenly, everyone knows something’s up… except you.
And people are human, secrets have a way of making them act...weird.
You’ll notice it in the small things. His friends act odd when you’re around. They avoid your eyes or go quiet the moment you walk into a room. You’ll ask a simple question like, “Have you seen him today?” and they’ll freeze up or quickly change the subject. His friends used to be super friendly, joking with you, calling you nicknames, taking dumb selfies. But after he starts cheating, that energy might suddenly vanish. You might show up to a BBQ at his friend’s place and feel like you’ve walked into a room full of strangers. No one makes eye contact, no one asks how you are; they just act weird and stiff. They’re probably not trying to be mean; they simply just don’t know what to say.
And it’s not just his friends, either. If he’s close with his family, he might have let things slip to them. Even if it’s not a full confession, it could be little things like, “I don’t know if this relationship is working anymore.” Once they know, it changes how they act around you. His sister isn’t going to pull you aside and tell you everything, but maybe she stops calling you “babe” or “sis.” Maybe she just seems cold and keeps her conversations with you short. Dinner at their house feels awkward, like everyone is pretending things are fine, and you’re the only one who doesn’t know the secret.
Or, you might get the opposite reaction: pity. Suddenly his mom is hugging you extra tight, treating you like a fragile child. His friends are being overly nice, constantly asking if you’re “doing okay” for no apparent reason. It’s that fake, careful kindness people show when they know something you don’t but don’t have the guts to tell you.
If the cheating is happening at work, you have an entire office of people who might know. They’ve seen him flirting at lunch or heard the rumors. You show up at the company Christmas party, and suddenly no one can look you in the eye. They’re all weirdly polite, treating you like a guest they weren’t expecting. Worse, they might even treat you like the villain. This is often because he’s been laying the groundwork, telling them things are “basically over” or that you're the “crazy” one to justify his behavior. So now you’re the outsider, and they treat you like an inconvenience.
Sometimes, the truth comes out by accident. A coworker might casually say, “Oh yeah, he’s always having lunch with that girl from marketing. What’s her name again?” and then realize their mistake. Or a friend mentions a name you’ve never heard of, then says, “Oh, I thought you knew,” and suddenly gets quiet. Most people don’t want to get involved, but they’re not always good at hiding what they know.
Finally, pay attention to how he acts around your people. If he used to come to your family dinners and hang out with your friends, but now he’s always “too tired” or “too busy,” ask yourself why. Avoidance is a strategy. He knows the less time he spends in your world, the less chance there is of someone picking up on something or accidentally saying what he doesn’t want you to hear. And if he’s planning to leave for this other woman, this is often how it starts: he slowly cuts ties with your life while secretly building another one behind your back.
People may not tell you what they know directly, but they will show you. The awkwardness, the forced smiles, the sudden silences, these are all forms of communication. People are not nearly as subtle as they think they are. So, pay attention.
Read More
Transcript
If your partner is cheating, you’re probably not going to be the first person to know. In fact, you’re likely to be the last. His friends, his family, even some of his coworkers will probably sense that something is off long before you do. That’s because when he’s with you, he’s on guard. He watches what he says, makes sure his stories line up, keeps his phone close, and tries to act normal. But when he’s around other people, especially those he trusts, the mask slips. Maybe he tells his mom that things are complicated with you. Maybe he admits to his best friend that he’s been talking to someone else. Sometimes, he just acts differently when you’re not there, and they notice. They start putting the pieces together, and suddenly, everyone knows something’s up… except you.
And people are human, secrets have a way of making them act...weird.
You’ll notice it in the small things. His friends act odd when you’re around. They avoid your eyes or go quiet the moment you walk into a room. You’ll ask a simple question like, “Have you seen him today?” and they’ll freeze up or quickly change the subject. His friends used to be super friendly, joking with you, calling you nicknames, taking dumb selfies. But after he starts cheating, that energy might suddenly vanish. You might show up to a BBQ at his friend’s place and feel like you’ve walked into a room full of strangers. No one makes eye contact, no one asks how you are; they just act weird and stiff. They’re probably not trying to be mean; they simply just don’t know what to say.
And it’s not just his friends, either. If he’s close with his family, he might have let things slip to them. Even if it’s not a full confession, it could be little things like, “I don’t know if this relationship is working anymore.” Once they know, it changes how they act around you. His sister isn’t going to pull you aside and tell you everything, but maybe she stops calling you “babe” or “sis.” Maybe she just seems cold and keeps her conversations with you short. Dinner at their house feels awkward, like everyone is pretending things are fine, and you’re the only one who doesn’t know the secret.
Or, you might get the opposite reaction: pity. Suddenly his mom is hugging you extra tight, treating you like a fragile child. His friends are being overly nice, constantly asking if you’re “doing okay” for no apparent reason. It’s that fake, careful kindness people show when they know something you don’t but don’t have the guts to tell you.
If the cheating is happening at work, you have an entire office of people who might know. They’ve seen him flirting at lunch or heard the rumors. You show up at the company Christmas party, and suddenly no one can look you in the eye. They’re all weirdly polite, treating you like a guest they weren’t expecting. Worse, they might even treat you like the villain. This is often because he’s been laying the groundwork, telling them things are “basically over” or that you're the “crazy” one to justify his behavior. So now you’re the outsider, and they treat you like an inconvenience.
Sometimes, the truth comes out by accident. A coworker might casually say, “Oh yeah, he’s always having lunch with that girl from marketing. What’s her name again?” and then realize their mistake. Or a friend mentions a name you’ve never heard of, then says, “Oh, I thought you knew,” and suddenly gets quiet. Most people don’t want to get involved, but they’re not always good at hiding what they know.
Finally, pay attention to how he acts around your people. If he used to come to your family dinners and hang out with your friends, but now he’s always “too tired” or “too busy,” ask yourself why. Avoidance is a strategy. He knows the less time he spends in your world, the less chance there is of someone picking up on something or accidentally saying what he doesn’t want you to hear. And if he’s planning to leave for this other woman, this is often how it starts: he slowly cuts ties with your life while secretly building another one behind your back.
People may not tell you what they know directly, but they will show you. The awkwardness, the forced smiles, the sudden silences, these are all forms of communication. People are not nearly as subtle as they think they are. So, pay attention.
Read More
Transcript
If your partner is cheating, you’re probably not going to be the first person to know. In fact, you’re likely to be the last. His friends, his family, even some of his coworkers will probably sense that something is off long before you do. That’s because when he’s with you, he’s on guard. He watches what he says, makes sure his stories line up, keeps his phone close, and tries to act normal. But when he’s around other people, especially those he trusts, the mask slips. Maybe he tells his mom that things are complicated with you. Maybe he admits to his best friend that he’s been talking to someone else. Sometimes, he just acts differently when you’re not there, and they notice. They start putting the pieces together, and suddenly, everyone knows something’s up… except you.
And people are human, secrets have a way of making them act...weird.
You’ll notice it in the small things. His friends act odd when you’re around. They avoid your eyes or go quiet the moment you walk into a room. You’ll ask a simple question like, “Have you seen him today?” and they’ll freeze up or quickly change the subject. His friends used to be super friendly, joking with you, calling you nicknames, taking dumb selfies. But after he starts cheating, that energy might suddenly vanish. You might show up to a BBQ at his friend’s place and feel like you’ve walked into a room full of strangers. No one makes eye contact, no one asks how you are; they just act weird and stiff. They’re probably not trying to be mean; they simply just don’t know what to say.
And it’s not just his friends, either. If he’s close with his family, he might have let things slip to them. Even if it’s not a full confession, it could be little things like, “I don’t know if this relationship is working anymore.” Once they know, it changes how they act around you. His sister isn’t going to pull you aside and tell you everything, but maybe she stops calling you “babe” or “sis.” Maybe she just seems cold and keeps her conversations with you short. Dinner at their house feels awkward, like everyone is pretending things are fine, and you’re the only one who doesn’t know the secret.
Or, you might get the opposite reaction: pity. Suddenly his mom is hugging you extra tight, treating you like a fragile child. His friends are being overly nice, constantly asking if you’re “doing okay” for no apparent reason. It’s that fake, careful kindness people show when they know something you don’t but don’t have the guts to tell you.
If the cheating is happening at work, you have an entire office of people who might know. They’ve seen him flirting at lunch or heard the rumors. You show up at the company Christmas party, and suddenly no one can look you in the eye. They’re all weirdly polite, treating you like a guest they weren’t expecting. Worse, they might even treat you like the villain. This is often because he’s been laying the groundwork, telling them things are “basically over” or that you're the “crazy” one to justify his behavior. So now you’re the outsider, and they treat you like an inconvenience.
Sometimes, the truth comes out by accident. A coworker might casually say, “Oh yeah, he’s always having lunch with that girl from marketing. What’s her name again?” and then realize their mistake. Or a friend mentions a name you’ve never heard of, then says, “Oh, I thought you knew,” and suddenly gets quiet. Most people don’t want to get involved, but they’re not always good at hiding what they know.
Finally, pay attention to how he acts around your people. If he used to come to your family dinners and hang out with your friends, but now he’s always “too tired” or “too busy,” ask yourself why. Avoidance is a strategy. He knows the less time he spends in your world, the less chance there is of someone picking up on something or accidentally saying what he doesn’t want you to hear. And if he’s planning to leave for this other woman, this is often how it starts: he slowly cuts ties with your life while secretly building another one behind your back.
People may not tell you what they know directly, but they will show you. The awkwardness, the forced smiles, the sudden silences, these are all forms of communication. People are not nearly as subtle as they think they are. So, pay attention.