Transcript
Hey, welcome back. We’ve finally made it to the last, and honestly, one of the most important parts of this section. So far, we've talked about spotting red flags by looking at the people around him, his friends and family and how they act. But there’s another huge one to watch for, especially if you’re dating again after getting hurt, and it’s all about how he talks about his past. The way a guy speaks about his exes tells you so much about how he deals with problems, whether he can take responsibility, and pretty much exactly how he’ll treat you down the line.
So, let's start with a scene that might sound familiar. You’re on a date. He seems like a good guy. He listens, he asks you questions, and you’re starting to think, "Okay, this could be something." Then, out of nowhere, he leans back and says, "It’s just so nice to talk to someone normal. My ex was crazy."
He might say it like a joke, but it’s not funny. In fact, it’s a massive red flag.
Why? Well, first off, it shows he has zero self-awareness. Someone who’s emotionally mature can look back on a breakup and say something like, “We just weren’t a good match,” or “I was going through some stuff.” But when a guy just calls his ex "crazy" and blames her for everything, he’s showing you that he can't take responsibility for his own actions. And if he can’t own any of the problems in his past relationships, why would he suddenly take responsibility when things go wrong with you?
Second, calling an ex “crazy” is usually his way of twisting the story. He’s not just insulting her; he’s trying to erase her feelings and what she went through. She probably wasn't "crazy" at all. She was probably just reacting to something real that he did. Maybe he lied. Maybe he cheated. By painting her as unstable, he's making sure that if she ever tries to warn you about him, you won't believe her. It's a move straight out of the narcissist's playbook to make himself look like the poor victim. And just remember, the way he talks about his ex now? That’s exactly how he’ll be talking about you one day.
So, let’s say you dodged that guy, and now you’re on a date with someone new. You ask a simple question: “So, what happened with your last relationship?” He looks down, lets out a big sigh like he’s in a movie, and says, “Honestly? Every girl I’ve ever dated has cheated on me. I’m just too nice. I always get hurt.”
That’s another red flag. Every girl? Really? At some point, you have to wonder: is he the unluckiest man alive, or is he the one thing all these messy breakups have in common? Chances are, he’s not giving you the full story. Maybe he cheated first. Maybe he was controlling, toxic, or just so draining that his exes finally had enough and left.
Guys like this love to play the victim. It’s not just his exes; it's his boss who hates him, his friends who let him down. But somehow, none of it is ever his fault. He doesn't want to look at himself; he just wants your sympathy. And he'll expect you to give it to him, all the time. You’ll end up feeling like his therapist, constantly propping up someone who never learns from his mistakes. A man like this doesn't want a partner. He wants a fan club. And if you’re not clapping loud enough, you’ll quickly go from being “amazing” to being “just like all the rest.”
Then there are the guys who have a weirdly close relationship with their exes. At first, it might not seem like a big deal. He’ll mention her casually, like, “Oh yeah, my ex and I used to play pickleball.” You brush it off. But then she keeps popping up. When you ask about it, he just says, “Yeah, we’re cool. We’re just friends now.” But soon you realize she’s always around. She’s texting him, showing up in his stories, tagging him in posts. It’s obvious she’s still a huge part of his world.
What he’s really doing is keeping her around to feel good about himself. It’s like his ego needs to prove, “Look how great I am, even my exes can’t get over me.” The truth is, these exes aren’t just ‘friends.’ They’re backup plans. They’re little ego boosts he keeps on a shelf. He takes them down whenever he’s bored or feeling down and needs a quick hit of feeling wanted.
One woman shared that anytime she and her boyfriend fought, he’d go straight to his ex. He’d call her, cry to her, and complain about how "difficult" his new girlfriend was being. What kind of relationship are you even in at that point? Where do you fit when all his emotional energy is still tied up with someone else? Anyone who needs to drag an army of exes behind them isn’t moving forward. They’re running circles around their own ego.
And it’s not just exes. Some guys have these weird, no-boundary relationships with their mom, their sister, or a female “best friend” who is way too involved in their life. You’ll see him drop everything the second she calls. He’ll tell her things about your relationship that are none of her business. Suddenly, this third person has way too much say in your life. You’re left feeling confused, jealous, and like there’s always someone else in the relationship with you. One day you’re going to wake up and realize you're in a full-blown emotional threesome. Or worse, you’ll walk in and actually catch him in bed with his so-called best friend. Either way, it’s a mess you don’t need. Walk away.
Which brings us to the biggest red flag of all: if you find out he’s cheated in the past.
If he never told you and you find out from someone else, that’s already a lie by omission. But even if he does admit it, be careful how he talks about it. If he says something like, “Yeah, I cheated once, but it was ages ago, I’m not like that anymore,” he’s not taking real accountability. That’s him brushing it off so you don’t ask more questions.
Owning it means more than just saying the words. Has he done some serious soul-searching? Has he gone to therapy? Has he learned how to handle stress or boredom without turning to someone else for attention? If he hasn’t done any of that, there’s a good chance he’ll do it again. We’ve spoke about this earlier but when people don’t learn new ways of coping, they just repeat what they know. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Research shows that if someone has cheated before, there’s about a 45% chance he’ll do it again. That’s basically flipping a coin on the future your relationship. You deserve better odds than that.
Okay, so those are the red flags. But what about the good stuff, the green flags you actually want to see? A huge one is how he talks about his past. If he can be honest and say things like, “That relationship didn’t work out because I made some mistakes,” or “We just weren’t right for each other,” that shows he’s mature. It means he’s taken the time to actually think about it and grow. That’s the kind of person who is ready to build something real with you.
Also, pay attention to how they carry themselves. How they talk. How they treat people. How they handle conflict. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't ignore the little red flags just because everything else seems good enough. The way he talks about his exes, the boundaries he sets, and whether he can own his mistakes, these are all clues. And they matter. You deserve someone who sees you, chooses you, and values you, with no strings attached, no backup plans, and no old baggage. Just you.
Read More
Transcript
Hey, welcome back. We’ve finally made it to the last, and honestly, one of the most important parts of this section. So far, we've talked about spotting red flags by looking at the people around him, his friends and family and how they act. But there’s another huge one to watch for, especially if you’re dating again after getting hurt, and it’s all about how he talks about his past. The way a guy speaks about his exes tells you so much about how he deals with problems, whether he can take responsibility, and pretty much exactly how he’ll treat you down the line.
So, let's start with a scene that might sound familiar. You’re on a date. He seems like a good guy. He listens, he asks you questions, and you’re starting to think, "Okay, this could be something." Then, out of nowhere, he leans back and says, "It’s just so nice to talk to someone normal. My ex was crazy."
He might say it like a joke, but it’s not funny. In fact, it’s a massive red flag.
Why? Well, first off, it shows he has zero self-awareness. Someone who’s emotionally mature can look back on a breakup and say something like, “We just weren’t a good match,” or “I was going through some stuff.” But when a guy just calls his ex "crazy" and blames her for everything, he’s showing you that he can't take responsibility for his own actions. And if he can’t own any of the problems in his past relationships, why would he suddenly take responsibility when things go wrong with you?
Second, calling an ex “crazy” is usually his way of twisting the story. He’s not just insulting her; he’s trying to erase her feelings and what she went through. She probably wasn't "crazy" at all. She was probably just reacting to something real that he did. Maybe he lied. Maybe he cheated. By painting her as unstable, he's making sure that if she ever tries to warn you about him, you won't believe her. It's a move straight out of the narcissist's playbook to make himself look like the poor victim. And just remember, the way he talks about his ex now? That’s exactly how he’ll be talking about you one day.
So, let’s say you dodged that guy, and now you’re on a date with someone new. You ask a simple question: “So, what happened with your last relationship?” He looks down, lets out a big sigh like he’s in a movie, and says, “Honestly? Every girl I’ve ever dated has cheated on me. I’m just too nice. I always get hurt.”
That’s another red flag. Every girl? Really? At some point, you have to wonder: is he the unluckiest man alive, or is he the one thing all these messy breakups have in common? Chances are, he’s not giving you the full story. Maybe he cheated first. Maybe he was controlling, toxic, or just so draining that his exes finally had enough and left.
Guys like this love to play the victim. It’s not just his exes; it's his boss who hates him, his friends who let him down. But somehow, none of it is ever his fault. He doesn't want to look at himself; he just wants your sympathy. And he'll expect you to give it to him, all the time. You’ll end up feeling like his therapist, constantly propping up someone who never learns from his mistakes. A man like this doesn't want a partner. He wants a fan club. And if you’re not clapping loud enough, you’ll quickly go from being “amazing” to being “just like all the rest.”
Then there are the guys who have a weirdly close relationship with their exes. At first, it might not seem like a big deal. He’ll mention her casually, like, “Oh yeah, my ex and I used to play pickleball.” You brush it off. But then she keeps popping up. When you ask about it, he just says, “Yeah, we’re cool. We’re just friends now.” But soon you realize she’s always around. She’s texting him, showing up in his stories, tagging him in posts. It’s obvious she’s still a huge part of his world.
What he’s really doing is keeping her around to feel good about himself. It’s like his ego needs to prove, “Look how great I am, even my exes can’t get over me.” The truth is, these exes aren’t just ‘friends.’ They’re backup plans. They’re little ego boosts he keeps on a shelf. He takes them down whenever he’s bored or feeling down and needs a quick hit of feeling wanted.
One woman shared that anytime she and her boyfriend fought, he’d go straight to his ex. He’d call her, cry to her, and complain about how "difficult" his new girlfriend was being. What kind of relationship are you even in at that point? Where do you fit when all his emotional energy is still tied up with someone else? Anyone who needs to drag an army of exes behind them isn’t moving forward. They’re running circles around their own ego.
And it’s not just exes. Some guys have these weird, no-boundary relationships with their mom, their sister, or a female “best friend” who is way too involved in their life. You’ll see him drop everything the second she calls. He’ll tell her things about your relationship that are none of her business. Suddenly, this third person has way too much say in your life. You’re left feeling confused, jealous, and like there’s always someone else in the relationship with you. One day you’re going to wake up and realize you're in a full-blown emotional threesome. Or worse, you’ll walk in and actually catch him in bed with his so-called best friend. Either way, it’s a mess you don’t need. Walk away.
Which brings us to the biggest red flag of all: if you find out he’s cheated in the past.
If he never told you and you find out from someone else, that’s already a lie by omission. But even if he does admit it, be careful how he talks about it. If he says something like, “Yeah, I cheated once, but it was ages ago, I’m not like that anymore,” he’s not taking real accountability. That’s him brushing it off so you don’t ask more questions.
Owning it means more than just saying the words. Has he done some serious soul-searching? Has he gone to therapy? Has he learned how to handle stress or boredom without turning to someone else for attention? If he hasn’t done any of that, there’s a good chance he’ll do it again. We’ve spoke about this earlier but when people don’t learn new ways of coping, they just repeat what they know. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Research shows that if someone has cheated before, there’s about a 45% chance he’ll do it again. That’s basically flipping a coin on the future your relationship. You deserve better odds than that.
Okay, so those are the red flags. But what about the good stuff, the green flags you actually want to see? A huge one is how he talks about his past. If he can be honest and say things like, “That relationship didn’t work out because I made some mistakes,” or “We just weren’t right for each other,” that shows he’s mature. It means he’s taken the time to actually think about it and grow. That’s the kind of person who is ready to build something real with you.
Also, pay attention to how they carry themselves. How they talk. How they treat people. How they handle conflict. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't ignore the little red flags just because everything else seems good enough. The way he talks about his exes, the boundaries he sets, and whether he can own his mistakes, these are all clues. And they matter. You deserve someone who sees you, chooses you, and values you, with no strings attached, no backup plans, and no old baggage. Just you.
Read More
Transcript
Hey, welcome back. We’ve finally made it to the last, and honestly, one of the most important parts of this section. So far, we've talked about spotting red flags by looking at the people around him, his friends and family and how they act. But there’s another huge one to watch for, especially if you’re dating again after getting hurt, and it’s all about how he talks about his past. The way a guy speaks about his exes tells you so much about how he deals with problems, whether he can take responsibility, and pretty much exactly how he’ll treat you down the line.
So, let's start with a scene that might sound familiar. You’re on a date. He seems like a good guy. He listens, he asks you questions, and you’re starting to think, "Okay, this could be something." Then, out of nowhere, he leans back and says, "It’s just so nice to talk to someone normal. My ex was crazy."
He might say it like a joke, but it’s not funny. In fact, it’s a massive red flag.
Why? Well, first off, it shows he has zero self-awareness. Someone who’s emotionally mature can look back on a breakup and say something like, “We just weren’t a good match,” or “I was going through some stuff.” But when a guy just calls his ex "crazy" and blames her for everything, he’s showing you that he can't take responsibility for his own actions. And if he can’t own any of the problems in his past relationships, why would he suddenly take responsibility when things go wrong with you?
Second, calling an ex “crazy” is usually his way of twisting the story. He’s not just insulting her; he’s trying to erase her feelings and what she went through. She probably wasn't "crazy" at all. She was probably just reacting to something real that he did. Maybe he lied. Maybe he cheated. By painting her as unstable, he's making sure that if she ever tries to warn you about him, you won't believe her. It's a move straight out of the narcissist's playbook to make himself look like the poor victim. And just remember, the way he talks about his ex now? That’s exactly how he’ll be talking about you one day.
So, let’s say you dodged that guy, and now you’re on a date with someone new. You ask a simple question: “So, what happened with your last relationship?” He looks down, lets out a big sigh like he’s in a movie, and says, “Honestly? Every girl I’ve ever dated has cheated on me. I’m just too nice. I always get hurt.”
That’s another red flag. Every girl? Really? At some point, you have to wonder: is he the unluckiest man alive, or is he the one thing all these messy breakups have in common? Chances are, he’s not giving you the full story. Maybe he cheated first. Maybe he was controlling, toxic, or just so draining that his exes finally had enough and left.
Guys like this love to play the victim. It’s not just his exes; it's his boss who hates him, his friends who let him down. But somehow, none of it is ever his fault. He doesn't want to look at himself; he just wants your sympathy. And he'll expect you to give it to him, all the time. You’ll end up feeling like his therapist, constantly propping up someone who never learns from his mistakes. A man like this doesn't want a partner. He wants a fan club. And if you’re not clapping loud enough, you’ll quickly go from being “amazing” to being “just like all the rest.”
Then there are the guys who have a weirdly close relationship with their exes. At first, it might not seem like a big deal. He’ll mention her casually, like, “Oh yeah, my ex and I used to play pickleball.” You brush it off. But then she keeps popping up. When you ask about it, he just says, “Yeah, we’re cool. We’re just friends now.” But soon you realize she’s always around. She’s texting him, showing up in his stories, tagging him in posts. It’s obvious she’s still a huge part of his world.
What he’s really doing is keeping her around to feel good about himself. It’s like his ego needs to prove, “Look how great I am, even my exes can’t get over me.” The truth is, these exes aren’t just ‘friends.’ They’re backup plans. They’re little ego boosts he keeps on a shelf. He takes them down whenever he’s bored or feeling down and needs a quick hit of feeling wanted.
One woman shared that anytime she and her boyfriend fought, he’d go straight to his ex. He’d call her, cry to her, and complain about how "difficult" his new girlfriend was being. What kind of relationship are you even in at that point? Where do you fit when all his emotional energy is still tied up with someone else? Anyone who needs to drag an army of exes behind them isn’t moving forward. They’re running circles around their own ego.
And it’s not just exes. Some guys have these weird, no-boundary relationships with their mom, their sister, or a female “best friend” who is way too involved in their life. You’ll see him drop everything the second she calls. He’ll tell her things about your relationship that are none of her business. Suddenly, this third person has way too much say in your life. You’re left feeling confused, jealous, and like there’s always someone else in the relationship with you. One day you’re going to wake up and realize you're in a full-blown emotional threesome. Or worse, you’ll walk in and actually catch him in bed with his so-called best friend. Either way, it’s a mess you don’t need. Walk away.
Which brings us to the biggest red flag of all: if you find out he’s cheated in the past.
If he never told you and you find out from someone else, that’s already a lie by omission. But even if he does admit it, be careful how he talks about it. If he says something like, “Yeah, I cheated once, but it was ages ago, I’m not like that anymore,” he’s not taking real accountability. That’s him brushing it off so you don’t ask more questions.
Owning it means more than just saying the words. Has he done some serious soul-searching? Has he gone to therapy? Has he learned how to handle stress or boredom without turning to someone else for attention? If he hasn’t done any of that, there’s a good chance he’ll do it again. We’ve spoke about this earlier but when people don’t learn new ways of coping, they just repeat what they know. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Research shows that if someone has cheated before, there’s about a 45% chance he’ll do it again. That’s basically flipping a coin on the future your relationship. You deserve better odds than that.
Okay, so those are the red flags. But what about the good stuff, the green flags you actually want to see? A huge one is how he talks about his past. If he can be honest and say things like, “That relationship didn’t work out because I made some mistakes,” or “We just weren’t right for each other,” that shows he’s mature. It means he’s taken the time to actually think about it and grow. That’s the kind of person who is ready to build something real with you.
Also, pay attention to how they carry themselves. How they talk. How they treat people. How they handle conflict. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don't ignore the little red flags just because everything else seems good enough. The way he talks about his exes, the boundaries he sets, and whether he can own his mistakes, these are all clues. And they matter. You deserve someone who sees you, chooses you, and values you, with no strings attached, no backup plans, and no old baggage. Just you.