Transcript
How do you actually spot a narcissist? It isn't always obvious, especially at first. They don't walk around with a warning sign on their forehead. In the beginning, they can be incredibly charming, funny, confident, and almost magnetic. But if you give it time, the signs will start to show.
One of the biggest giveaways is how much they talk about themselves. A narcissist can turn any conversation back to them. You'll notice they just take over, steering every topic back to their life, and they almost never ask about yours. You could be venting about how stressed you are at work, and suddenly they're lecturing you about how, "That's nothing compared to my day," or, "You've got no idea what real pressure is." It stops feeling like a conversation and starts to feel like your only job is to sit there, listen, and nod.
They also live in a fantasy world. They're obsessed with being the best, the most successful, the most attractive, and the most wanted. They'll drop names, exaggerate their achievements, and act like doing everyday things is beneath them. The whole point is to make you feel lucky that they even chose to be with you. They expect special treatment all the time. They want the best of everything, and if they don't get it, they take it as a personal insult. Something as small as waiting in line or not getting a text back fast enough can set them off. They'll sulk, get angry, or try to guilt-trip you into fixing it for them.
If they want something, whether it's sex, attention, money, or support, they'll take it no matter how it affects you. People are tools to them. You're only valuable as long as you're useful. Here's a good test: watch how they treat waitstaff. If they're rude, dismissive, or put on a fake-polite act, pay attention. That's exactly how they'll treat you once they don't feel the need to impress you anymore.
The biggest red flag of all is a lack of empathy. Guys who have narcissistic traits don't really feel for other people. They know how to act like they do, but it's surface-level. You could be crying your eyes out right in front of them, and they'll just sit there, not reaching for you, not saying a word. If they could leave the room, they probably would.
This really shows up when you're going through a hard time. If you're sick, stressed out, or just sad, it somehow becomes about how your problems are affecting them. You might say something like, "I've had a really tough week," and instead of comfort, you get, "Yeah, and you've been moody and hard to be around because of it." They just don't really care about you.
They can also get incredibly jealous of you. A narcissist needs to be the most admired person in the room, and that includes in their own relationship. If you're the one getting attention, maybe you're looking amazing one night or you just got a big promotion, they won't be happy for you. Instead, they'll find a way to bring you down. They might say something passive-aggressive like, "Wow, I didn't think you could pull that off," or give you a warning like, "Don't let it go to your head." If that doesn't work to dim your shine, they might start flirting with someone else at the party just to make you feel small and unimportant.
This even happens on days that are supposed to be all about you, like your birthday, your graduation, or your big win. They'll somehow manage to make it about them. They might pick a fight right before the event, sulk in a corner all evening, or do something dramatic to steal the spotlight. They can't handle not being the center of everything, even when it's your moment. Instead of lifting you up, they're secretly competing with you.
The truth is, narcissists don't love themselves. Deep down, they actually hate who they really are. To cope, they build a fake version of themselves to show the world. Think of it like a mask. This mask is smart, attractive, successful, and untouchable, but it's completely fake. They become obsessed with that mask because it hides all of their insecurities. They don't love you or anyone else. The only thing they truly care about is keeping that mask perfectly in place. If anything threatens it, like being criticized, rejected, or ignored, they can't stand it.
That's why they constantly need that narcissistic supply. It's basically anything that feeds their ego and proves the mask is working. It could be attention from other women, other men, exes, or even people they've hurt who are still begging for answers. As long as someone's giving them love, sex, praise, or drama, it's all evidence that they really are as amazing as they pretend to be.
They don't just end up with partners by accident. They choose people like you for a reason, because you've got a good heart. They look at you and see everything they can never be. You're genuinely kind, genuinely warm, and genuinely confident, all the things they can only fake. It drives them crazy with jealousy. They want to become you and destroy you at the same time. They want to feed on your real emotions because they've never felt a genuine emotion in their entire lives. When they've drained every last bit of validation they can get from you, they'll ghost you or give you the silent treatment for days while they find another source of supply. This is how the narcissist operates.
Not everyone who cheats has full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. That's actually rare. But every person who cheats has to tap into narcissistic traits to be able to do it. They have to decide that their wants matter more than your needs. They have to convince themselves that the rules don't apply to them, that they deserve it, and that you either won't find out or you'll just get over it.
So, maybe your partner isn't a capital-N Narcissist, but the moment they chose to cheat, they had to become one. They had to look at you, someone they claim to love, and decide that hurting you was an acceptable price for getting what they wanted.
That's what narcissism is. The belief that I matter more than you. That mindset doesn't just go away. People like this don't wake up one morning full of empathy. They don't go to therapy and magically turn into someone new. This is how they think. This is how they operate. The only thing you get to choose is whether you're going to keep putting up with it.
Read More
Transcript
How do you actually spot a narcissist? It isn't always obvious, especially at first. They don't walk around with a warning sign on their forehead. In the beginning, they can be incredibly charming, funny, confident, and almost magnetic. But if you give it time, the signs will start to show.
One of the biggest giveaways is how much they talk about themselves. A narcissist can turn any conversation back to them. You'll notice they just take over, steering every topic back to their life, and they almost never ask about yours. You could be venting about how stressed you are at work, and suddenly they're lecturing you about how, "That's nothing compared to my day," or, "You've got no idea what real pressure is." It stops feeling like a conversation and starts to feel like your only job is to sit there, listen, and nod.
They also live in a fantasy world. They're obsessed with being the best, the most successful, the most attractive, and the most wanted. They'll drop names, exaggerate their achievements, and act like doing everyday things is beneath them. The whole point is to make you feel lucky that they even chose to be with you. They expect special treatment all the time. They want the best of everything, and if they don't get it, they take it as a personal insult. Something as small as waiting in line or not getting a text back fast enough can set them off. They'll sulk, get angry, or try to guilt-trip you into fixing it for them.
If they want something, whether it's sex, attention, money, or support, they'll take it no matter how it affects you. People are tools to them. You're only valuable as long as you're useful. Here's a good test: watch how they treat waitstaff. If they're rude, dismissive, or put on a fake-polite act, pay attention. That's exactly how they'll treat you once they don't feel the need to impress you anymore.
The biggest red flag of all is a lack of empathy. Guys who have narcissistic traits don't really feel for other people. They know how to act like they do, but it's surface-level. You could be crying your eyes out right in front of them, and they'll just sit there, not reaching for you, not saying a word. If they could leave the room, they probably would.
This really shows up when you're going through a hard time. If you're sick, stressed out, or just sad, it somehow becomes about how your problems are affecting them. You might say something like, "I've had a really tough week," and instead of comfort, you get, "Yeah, and you've been moody and hard to be around because of it." They just don't really care about you.
They can also get incredibly jealous of you. A narcissist needs to be the most admired person in the room, and that includes in their own relationship. If you're the one getting attention, maybe you're looking amazing one night or you just got a big promotion, they won't be happy for you. Instead, they'll find a way to bring you down. They might say something passive-aggressive like, "Wow, I didn't think you could pull that off," or give you a warning like, "Don't let it go to your head." If that doesn't work to dim your shine, they might start flirting with someone else at the party just to make you feel small and unimportant.
This even happens on days that are supposed to be all about you, like your birthday, your graduation, or your big win. They'll somehow manage to make it about them. They might pick a fight right before the event, sulk in a corner all evening, or do something dramatic to steal the spotlight. They can't handle not being the center of everything, even when it's your moment. Instead of lifting you up, they're secretly competing with you.
The truth is, narcissists don't love themselves. Deep down, they actually hate who they really are. To cope, they build a fake version of themselves to show the world. Think of it like a mask. This mask is smart, attractive, successful, and untouchable, but it's completely fake. They become obsessed with that mask because it hides all of their insecurities. They don't love you or anyone else. The only thing they truly care about is keeping that mask perfectly in place. If anything threatens it, like being criticized, rejected, or ignored, they can't stand it.
That's why they constantly need that narcissistic supply. It's basically anything that feeds their ego and proves the mask is working. It could be attention from other women, other men, exes, or even people they've hurt who are still begging for answers. As long as someone's giving them love, sex, praise, or drama, it's all evidence that they really are as amazing as they pretend to be.
They don't just end up with partners by accident. They choose people like you for a reason, because you've got a good heart. They look at you and see everything they can never be. You're genuinely kind, genuinely warm, and genuinely confident, all the things they can only fake. It drives them crazy with jealousy. They want to become you and destroy you at the same time. They want to feed on your real emotions because they've never felt a genuine emotion in their entire lives. When they've drained every last bit of validation they can get from you, they'll ghost you or give you the silent treatment for days while they find another source of supply. This is how the narcissist operates.
Not everyone who cheats has full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. That's actually rare. But every person who cheats has to tap into narcissistic traits to be able to do it. They have to decide that their wants matter more than your needs. They have to convince themselves that the rules don't apply to them, that they deserve it, and that you either won't find out or you'll just get over it.
So, maybe your partner isn't a capital-N Narcissist, but the moment they chose to cheat, they had to become one. They had to look at you, someone they claim to love, and decide that hurting you was an acceptable price for getting what they wanted.
That's what narcissism is. The belief that I matter more than you. That mindset doesn't just go away. People like this don't wake up one morning full of empathy. They don't go to therapy and magically turn into someone new. This is how they think. This is how they operate. The only thing you get to choose is whether you're going to keep putting up with it.
Read More
Transcript
How do you actually spot a narcissist? It isn't always obvious, especially at first. They don't walk around with a warning sign on their forehead. In the beginning, they can be incredibly charming, funny, confident, and almost magnetic. But if you give it time, the signs will start to show.
One of the biggest giveaways is how much they talk about themselves. A narcissist can turn any conversation back to them. You'll notice they just take over, steering every topic back to their life, and they almost never ask about yours. You could be venting about how stressed you are at work, and suddenly they're lecturing you about how, "That's nothing compared to my day," or, "You've got no idea what real pressure is." It stops feeling like a conversation and starts to feel like your only job is to sit there, listen, and nod.
They also live in a fantasy world. They're obsessed with being the best, the most successful, the most attractive, and the most wanted. They'll drop names, exaggerate their achievements, and act like doing everyday things is beneath them. The whole point is to make you feel lucky that they even chose to be with you. They expect special treatment all the time. They want the best of everything, and if they don't get it, they take it as a personal insult. Something as small as waiting in line or not getting a text back fast enough can set them off. They'll sulk, get angry, or try to guilt-trip you into fixing it for them.
If they want something, whether it's sex, attention, money, or support, they'll take it no matter how it affects you. People are tools to them. You're only valuable as long as you're useful. Here's a good test: watch how they treat waitstaff. If they're rude, dismissive, or put on a fake-polite act, pay attention. That's exactly how they'll treat you once they don't feel the need to impress you anymore.
The biggest red flag of all is a lack of empathy. Guys who have narcissistic traits don't really feel for other people. They know how to act like they do, but it's surface-level. You could be crying your eyes out right in front of them, and they'll just sit there, not reaching for you, not saying a word. If they could leave the room, they probably would.
This really shows up when you're going through a hard time. If you're sick, stressed out, or just sad, it somehow becomes about how your problems are affecting them. You might say something like, "I've had a really tough week," and instead of comfort, you get, "Yeah, and you've been moody and hard to be around because of it." They just don't really care about you.
They can also get incredibly jealous of you. A narcissist needs to be the most admired person in the room, and that includes in their own relationship. If you're the one getting attention, maybe you're looking amazing one night or you just got a big promotion, they won't be happy for you. Instead, they'll find a way to bring you down. They might say something passive-aggressive like, "Wow, I didn't think you could pull that off," or give you a warning like, "Don't let it go to your head." If that doesn't work to dim your shine, they might start flirting with someone else at the party just to make you feel small and unimportant.
This even happens on days that are supposed to be all about you, like your birthday, your graduation, or your big win. They'll somehow manage to make it about them. They might pick a fight right before the event, sulk in a corner all evening, or do something dramatic to steal the spotlight. They can't handle not being the center of everything, even when it's your moment. Instead of lifting you up, they're secretly competing with you.
The truth is, narcissists don't love themselves. Deep down, they actually hate who they really are. To cope, they build a fake version of themselves to show the world. Think of it like a mask. This mask is smart, attractive, successful, and untouchable, but it's completely fake. They become obsessed with that mask because it hides all of their insecurities. They don't love you or anyone else. The only thing they truly care about is keeping that mask perfectly in place. If anything threatens it, like being criticized, rejected, or ignored, they can't stand it.
That's why they constantly need that narcissistic supply. It's basically anything that feeds their ego and proves the mask is working. It could be attention from other women, other men, exes, or even people they've hurt who are still begging for answers. As long as someone's giving them love, sex, praise, or drama, it's all evidence that they really are as amazing as they pretend to be.
They don't just end up with partners by accident. They choose people like you for a reason, because you've got a good heart. They look at you and see everything they can never be. You're genuinely kind, genuinely warm, and genuinely confident, all the things they can only fake. It drives them crazy with jealousy. They want to become you and destroy you at the same time. They want to feed on your real emotions because they've never felt a genuine emotion in their entire lives. When they've drained every last bit of validation they can get from you, they'll ghost you or give you the silent treatment for days while they find another source of supply. This is how the narcissist operates.
Not everyone who cheats has full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. That's actually rare. But every person who cheats has to tap into narcissistic traits to be able to do it. They have to decide that their wants matter more than your needs. They have to convince themselves that the rules don't apply to them, that they deserve it, and that you either won't find out or you'll just get over it.
So, maybe your partner isn't a capital-N Narcissist, but the moment they chose to cheat, they had to become one. They had to look at you, someone they claim to love, and decide that hurting you was an acceptable price for getting what they wanted.
That's what narcissism is. The belief that I matter more than you. That mindset doesn't just go away. People like this don't wake up one morning full of empathy. They don't go to therapy and magically turn into someone new. This is how they think. This is how they operate. The only thing you get to choose is whether you're going to keep putting up with it.