Transcript
You know that feeling when something is just off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? When the pieces of the story don't fit together, but every time you ask a question, you get an answer that sounds almost too perfect?
That’s exactly what Linda was feeling.
She and James had been married for eighteen years. They had three kids, a great marriage, a whole life built together. And then one day, it all fell apart. She found out he wasn't just having one affair, but three of them, all at the same time. It was like the floor dropped out from under her.
But James didn't do what you'd expect. He didn't get defensive or try to blame her. He didn't yell or storm out. Instead, he looked her right in the eyes and said the one thing she needed to hear: “I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this.” And it really looked like he meant it.
Within days, he found a top relationship therapist. He signed up for a men’s support group and started journaling about his “healing journey.” He deleted his social media accounts. He showed up like a man who was genuinely committed to rebuilding the marriage. People were impressed. Her friends, her family, even her kids kept saying how “Dad’s changed.” His therapist, Dr. Chen, told Linda that in her fifteen years of practice, she hadn’t seen a man work so hard to take accountability.
Then one Wednesday afternoon, Dr. Chen appeared in Linda’s office doorway. Her face was pale, and her hands were trembling. Linda’s mind raced, thinking something terrible had happened to James. But then Dr. Chen looked down at the floor and said quietly, “I can’t keep treating James. I’m so sorry.”
Linda was confused. “Why? What’s going on?”
Dr. Chen took a shaky breath. “Because your husband and I have been sleeping together for the past six months.”
And just like that, he broke her twice. He hadn’t just cheated again. He had done it with the therapist who was supposed to fix the mess he already made. This is what it looks like when you encounter someone truly Machiavellian.
This isn't like a narcissist who is desperate for attention. This is someone who genuinely believes they’re smart enough to get away with anything. And the scary part is, for a long time, they often do.
Think about what it actually takes to keep an affair going for weeks or months. This isn’t impulsive or careless. It takes planning.
They’re texting the other person to set up meetups, then deleting every message. They’re inventing detailed stories, not just a simple “I’m working late,” but something like, “I have that meeting with Sarah about the quarterly report, so I’ll be home around 8.” They might even get friends or coworkers to cover for them. And on top of that, they have to remember everything. Every lie, every fake plan, every person they said they were with. One slip, and it all collapses.
That kind of deception doesn’t happen by accident. It comes from a mind that can sit across from you at dinner, look you in the eye, and lie so seamlessly you never think to question it. The scheming, the planning, the constant lying, that’s exactly what Machiavellians do.
So how can you tell if someone has these traits, especially in a relationship?
One of their favorite tools is manipulation. They know exactly what to say to make you feel special, but only when it gets them something they want. In the beginning, they’re incredibly charming. They’ll say things like, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” or “I don’t even deserve you.” It feels real at first, but it never lasts.
Then things shift. The compliments get twisted into backhanded comments that make you doubt yourself. They’ll say, “You look amazing tonight, see what happens when you put in some effort?” or, “You’re actually pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college.” You might laugh at first, but it stings. That’s the point. They want you a little unsure of yourself, a little off-balance.
And when charm doesn’t work, they start guilt-tripping you. “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” If that fails, they flip the script and make you feel like you're the problem. “If you don’t trust me, maybe we shouldn’t even be together.” It's never about love or connection. It's about control. They twist your own feelings until you don’t know which way is up. And by the time you realize it, you’ve spent months trying to fix something that was never meant to be fair in the first place.
Another red flag is how they see the world. Machiavellians are deeply cynical. They think everyone is out to screw them over, including you. Even when you’ve been nothing but loyal, they’ll say things like, “You’re too good to be true. What are you hiding?” Or they’ll project their mindset and accuse you of things like, “You’re probably just like everyone else. You’ll betray me too.” You’re left confused and constantly trying to prove your innocence when you’ve never done anything wrong.
They’re also incredibly self-absorbed, even if they pretend not to be. At first, they might seem attentive and caring, but over time, everything becomes about them. Their problems, their achievements, their feelings. You’re expected to drop everything for them, forgive every mistake, and celebrate every win. But when it comes to your emotions or accomplishments, they barely react. And if you mention it, they twist it back onto you. “Why are you making this about you? I’m the one going through something.” They don’t care how you feel, only how you make them feel.
This pattern is so common that in the 1970s, two psychologists, Richard Christie and Florence Geis, created a test to measure it: the Mach-IV scale. It has twenty statements, and the more someone agrees with them, the higher their Machiavellian traits.
Here are a few statements from the test. Think about how your partner or ex might answer:
"Never tell anyone the real reason you did something unless it's useful to do so."
"The best way to handle people is to tell them what they want to hear."
"It's hard to get ahead without cutting corners here and there."
"It's wise to flatter important people."
If you’re hearing these and thinking, “Yep, that’s exactly how he sees things,” then that says a lot. People who think this way don’t value honesty or doing the right thing. They value whatever benefits them.
If someone lies and manipulates everywhere else in their life, do you really think they’ll suddenly be honest with you?
It doesn’t work like that. If lying benefits them, they’ll lie. If cheating benefits them, they’ll cheat. It’s not personal to them.
It’s just how they operate.
Read More
Transcript
You know that feeling when something is just off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? When the pieces of the story don't fit together, but every time you ask a question, you get an answer that sounds almost too perfect?
That’s exactly what Linda was feeling.
She and James had been married for eighteen years. They had three kids, a great marriage, a whole life built together. And then one day, it all fell apart. She found out he wasn't just having one affair, but three of them, all at the same time. It was like the floor dropped out from under her.
But James didn't do what you'd expect. He didn't get defensive or try to blame her. He didn't yell or storm out. Instead, he looked her right in the eyes and said the one thing she needed to hear: “I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this.” And it really looked like he meant it.
Within days, he found a top relationship therapist. He signed up for a men’s support group and started journaling about his “healing journey.” He deleted his social media accounts. He showed up like a man who was genuinely committed to rebuilding the marriage. People were impressed. Her friends, her family, even her kids kept saying how “Dad’s changed.” His therapist, Dr. Chen, told Linda that in her fifteen years of practice, she hadn’t seen a man work so hard to take accountability.
Then one Wednesday afternoon, Dr. Chen appeared in Linda’s office doorway. Her face was pale, and her hands were trembling. Linda’s mind raced, thinking something terrible had happened to James. But then Dr. Chen looked down at the floor and said quietly, “I can’t keep treating James. I’m so sorry.”
Linda was confused. “Why? What’s going on?”
Dr. Chen took a shaky breath. “Because your husband and I have been sleeping together for the past six months.”
And just like that, he broke her twice. He hadn’t just cheated again. He had done it with the therapist who was supposed to fix the mess he already made. This is what it looks like when you encounter someone truly Machiavellian.
This isn't like a narcissist who is desperate for attention. This is someone who genuinely believes they’re smart enough to get away with anything. And the scary part is, for a long time, they often do.
Think about what it actually takes to keep an affair going for weeks or months. This isn’t impulsive or careless. It takes planning.
They’re texting the other person to set up meetups, then deleting every message. They’re inventing detailed stories, not just a simple “I’m working late,” but something like, “I have that meeting with Sarah about the quarterly report, so I’ll be home around 8.” They might even get friends or coworkers to cover for them. And on top of that, they have to remember everything. Every lie, every fake plan, every person they said they were with. One slip, and it all collapses.
That kind of deception doesn’t happen by accident. It comes from a mind that can sit across from you at dinner, look you in the eye, and lie so seamlessly you never think to question it. The scheming, the planning, the constant lying, that’s exactly what Machiavellians do.
So how can you tell if someone has these traits, especially in a relationship?
One of their favorite tools is manipulation. They know exactly what to say to make you feel special, but only when it gets them something they want. In the beginning, they’re incredibly charming. They’ll say things like, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” or “I don’t even deserve you.” It feels real at first, but it never lasts.
Then things shift. The compliments get twisted into backhanded comments that make you doubt yourself. They’ll say, “You look amazing tonight, see what happens when you put in some effort?” or, “You’re actually pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college.” You might laugh at first, but it stings. That’s the point. They want you a little unsure of yourself, a little off-balance.
And when charm doesn’t work, they start guilt-tripping you. “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” If that fails, they flip the script and make you feel like you're the problem. “If you don’t trust me, maybe we shouldn’t even be together.” It's never about love or connection. It's about control. They twist your own feelings until you don’t know which way is up. And by the time you realize it, you’ve spent months trying to fix something that was never meant to be fair in the first place.
Another red flag is how they see the world. Machiavellians are deeply cynical. They think everyone is out to screw them over, including you. Even when you’ve been nothing but loyal, they’ll say things like, “You’re too good to be true. What are you hiding?” Or they’ll project their mindset and accuse you of things like, “You’re probably just like everyone else. You’ll betray me too.” You’re left confused and constantly trying to prove your innocence when you’ve never done anything wrong.
They’re also incredibly self-absorbed, even if they pretend not to be. At first, they might seem attentive and caring, but over time, everything becomes about them. Their problems, their achievements, their feelings. You’re expected to drop everything for them, forgive every mistake, and celebrate every win. But when it comes to your emotions or accomplishments, they barely react. And if you mention it, they twist it back onto you. “Why are you making this about you? I’m the one going through something.” They don’t care how you feel, only how you make them feel.
This pattern is so common that in the 1970s, two psychologists, Richard Christie and Florence Geis, created a test to measure it: the Mach-IV scale. It has twenty statements, and the more someone agrees with them, the higher their Machiavellian traits.
Here are a few statements from the test. Think about how your partner or ex might answer:
"Never tell anyone the real reason you did something unless it's useful to do so."
"The best way to handle people is to tell them what they want to hear."
"It's hard to get ahead without cutting corners here and there."
"It's wise to flatter important people."
If you’re hearing these and thinking, “Yep, that’s exactly how he sees things,” then that says a lot. People who think this way don’t value honesty or doing the right thing. They value whatever benefits them.
If someone lies and manipulates everywhere else in their life, do you really think they’ll suddenly be honest with you?
It doesn’t work like that. If lying benefits them, they’ll lie. If cheating benefits them, they’ll cheat. It’s not personal to them.
It’s just how they operate.
Read More
Transcript
You know that feeling when something is just off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? When the pieces of the story don't fit together, but every time you ask a question, you get an answer that sounds almost too perfect?
That’s exactly what Linda was feeling.
She and James had been married for eighteen years. They had three kids, a great marriage, a whole life built together. And then one day, it all fell apart. She found out he wasn't just having one affair, but three of them, all at the same time. It was like the floor dropped out from under her.
But James didn't do what you'd expect. He didn't get defensive or try to blame her. He didn't yell or storm out. Instead, he looked her right in the eyes and said the one thing she needed to hear: “I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this.” And it really looked like he meant it.
Within days, he found a top relationship therapist. He signed up for a men’s support group and started journaling about his “healing journey.” He deleted his social media accounts. He showed up like a man who was genuinely committed to rebuilding the marriage. People were impressed. Her friends, her family, even her kids kept saying how “Dad’s changed.” His therapist, Dr. Chen, told Linda that in her fifteen years of practice, she hadn’t seen a man work so hard to take accountability.
Then one Wednesday afternoon, Dr. Chen appeared in Linda’s office doorway. Her face was pale, and her hands were trembling. Linda’s mind raced, thinking something terrible had happened to James. But then Dr. Chen looked down at the floor and said quietly, “I can’t keep treating James. I’m so sorry.”
Linda was confused. “Why? What’s going on?”
Dr. Chen took a shaky breath. “Because your husband and I have been sleeping together for the past six months.”
And just like that, he broke her twice. He hadn’t just cheated again. He had done it with the therapist who was supposed to fix the mess he already made. This is what it looks like when you encounter someone truly Machiavellian.
This isn't like a narcissist who is desperate for attention. This is someone who genuinely believes they’re smart enough to get away with anything. And the scary part is, for a long time, they often do.
Think about what it actually takes to keep an affair going for weeks or months. This isn’t impulsive or careless. It takes planning.
They’re texting the other person to set up meetups, then deleting every message. They’re inventing detailed stories, not just a simple “I’m working late,” but something like, “I have that meeting with Sarah about the quarterly report, so I’ll be home around 8.” They might even get friends or coworkers to cover for them. And on top of that, they have to remember everything. Every lie, every fake plan, every person they said they were with. One slip, and it all collapses.
That kind of deception doesn’t happen by accident. It comes from a mind that can sit across from you at dinner, look you in the eye, and lie so seamlessly you never think to question it. The scheming, the planning, the constant lying, that’s exactly what Machiavellians do.
So how can you tell if someone has these traits, especially in a relationship?
One of their favorite tools is manipulation. They know exactly what to say to make you feel special, but only when it gets them something they want. In the beginning, they’re incredibly charming. They’ll say things like, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” or “I don’t even deserve you.” It feels real at first, but it never lasts.
Then things shift. The compliments get twisted into backhanded comments that make you doubt yourself. They’ll say, “You look amazing tonight, see what happens when you put in some effort?” or, “You’re actually pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college.” You might laugh at first, but it stings. That’s the point. They want you a little unsure of yourself, a little off-balance.
And when charm doesn’t work, they start guilt-tripping you. “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” If that fails, they flip the script and make you feel like you're the problem. “If you don’t trust me, maybe we shouldn’t even be together.” It's never about love or connection. It's about control. They twist your own feelings until you don’t know which way is up. And by the time you realize it, you’ve spent months trying to fix something that was never meant to be fair in the first place.
Another red flag is how they see the world. Machiavellians are deeply cynical. They think everyone is out to screw them over, including you. Even when you’ve been nothing but loyal, they’ll say things like, “You’re too good to be true. What are you hiding?” Or they’ll project their mindset and accuse you of things like, “You’re probably just like everyone else. You’ll betray me too.” You’re left confused and constantly trying to prove your innocence when you’ve never done anything wrong.
They’re also incredibly self-absorbed, even if they pretend not to be. At first, they might seem attentive and caring, but over time, everything becomes about them. Their problems, their achievements, their feelings. You’re expected to drop everything for them, forgive every mistake, and celebrate every win. But when it comes to your emotions or accomplishments, they barely react. And if you mention it, they twist it back onto you. “Why are you making this about you? I’m the one going through something.” They don’t care how you feel, only how you make them feel.
This pattern is so common that in the 1970s, two psychologists, Richard Christie and Florence Geis, created a test to measure it: the Mach-IV scale. It has twenty statements, and the more someone agrees with them, the higher their Machiavellian traits.
Here are a few statements from the test. Think about how your partner or ex might answer:
"Never tell anyone the real reason you did something unless it's useful to do so."
"The best way to handle people is to tell them what they want to hear."
"It's hard to get ahead without cutting corners here and there."
"It's wise to flatter important people."
If you’re hearing these and thinking, “Yep, that’s exactly how he sees things,” then that says a lot. People who think this way don’t value honesty or doing the right thing. They value whatever benefits them.
If someone lies and manipulates everywhere else in their life, do you really think they’ll suddenly be honest with you?
It doesn’t work like that. If lying benefits them, they’ll lie. If cheating benefits them, they’ll cheat. It’s not personal to them.
It’s just how they operate.